James Bond needs help

Thursday, December 13, 2018

Hard-core James Bond fans might be shaken to be told their hero has a problem, and perhaps stirred to make some changes in their own drinking habits.

Analyzing six decades of 007 films, a study (http://bit.ly/2PxJo0u), “License to Swill,” published in the Medical Journal of Australia, concluded that Bond, James Bond, indeed has a drinking problem.

In 24 movies, Bond consumed an average of 4.5 drinks per film, for a total of 109 drinks. Author Ian Fleming endowed the super spy with a taste for vesper martinis, comprising three parts Gordon’s gin, one part vodka and a half measure of Kina Lillet.

In the film Quantum of Solace, Bond consumed six vespers, which would equal about 24 drinks and give him a blood alcohol content of 0.36, well into the fatal range.

Not only does he have a drinking problem, but like many alcoholics, Bond also tends to engage in high-risk behavior under the influence.

That includes fighting, driving in high-speed chases, high-stakes gambling, operating complex machinery and extreme athletic performance.

Not only has he dealt with a snake, a scorpion and a comodo dragon after drinking, he once operated nuclear technology and often engaged in sexual activity with enemies and casual acquaintances, usually with knives and firearms within reach.

The study concluded “James Bond has a severe chronic alcohol problem. He should consider seeking professional help and find other strategies for managing on-the-job stress.”

In addition, “M should no longer offer Bond drinks in workplace settings. Further, MI6 management needs to redefine Bond’s job to reduce his stress levels. More field support and a stronger team approach are needed so that his duties do not weigh as heavily upon him.”

All in good fun, of course, but with the current holiday season a prime time for problem drinking and resultant tragedies, it might be a good time for many of us to sit back and imagine what the Australian researchers might find studying a film of our day-to-day lives.

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