Dilemma over 'Burt Wonderstone' conjures magical 'aid'

The Incredible Burt Wonderstone

Rated PG-13

"The Incredible Burt Wonderstone" was a puzzle to me, one that I was grappling with for quite a while after seeing it. It's not a particularly terrible movie, but it's not a particularly good one either. As I sat at my desk here at the Gazette, I wished I had someone at hand to help me figure this picture out ...

I wished ...

I wished ...

POOF!

STRANGER: (Appearing through a cloud of white smoke) Your wish is grrrrranted!

ME: (Blinking and coughing away the haze) Whaaa ... ? Who are you, uniquely dressed mysterious stranger, now precariously perched on the northeast corner of my desk?

STRANGER: I am the Amazing Amaze-mo! I heard your wish from my phantasmagorical plane, so I've breached through the dimensional walls of space and time to aid you in your quest!

ME: (Still coughing) That smoke's really ... (Another hard cough)

AMAZE-MO: Sorry. Comes with the jacket. (Rimshot) See? Smoking jacket? Get it?

ME: Uh-huh.

(Crickets)

AMAZE-MO: Tough newsroom. (Runs palms over stapler, turns it into rabbit which stares at me for a second, then hops away with light ka-chunks, and leaving a trail of staples behind) So, your dilemma?

ME: "The Incredible Burt Wonderstone." (Under my breath) And that I have to put in a request for a new stapler.

AMAZE-MO: Oh, yes, yes. The new movie in which Steve Carell plays Burt, an out-of-touch Las Vegas magician whose own hubris is about to cost him his partner and best friend Anton (Steve Buscemi), and soon after, his position on the feature stage at Bally's. What about it?

ME: Well, first off, if I'd never seen a trailer or a TV commercial, I'd have been interested in seeing it. I mean, they had me at "Steve Carell as an out-of-touch Las Vegas magician." Tell me that doesn't have potential.

AMAZE-MO: And then they added in Jim Carrey as Steve Gray, a bizarre, Criss Angel-esque street magician whose non-traditional act draws applause and occasional vomitus. He's Carell's nemesis.

ME: The potential grows! Plus there's Alan Arkin as old-school magician Rance Holloway, who had inspired Burt when he was a lonely, bullied boy, and James Gandolfini as the too-on-the-nose named Doug Munny, the manager of Bally's who is opening his own Vegas casino, and Olivia Wilde as Jane, a young stagehand who gets pulled into Burt's downward spiral.

AMAZE-MO: And is part of his inevitable triumph, don't forget that!

ME: Easy on the spoilers, huh?

AMAZE-MO: Spoilers? It is a Hollywood comedy, right? Big, shiny and ... (Reaches behind my left ear and starts withdrawing writing instruments, each one larger than the last) from the pens of at least four writers?

ME: Yes, it is. (Feeling behind my left ear, mildly impressed) Chad Kultgen, Tyler Mitchell, Jonathan Goldstein and John Francis Daley share story credit, with Goldsten and Daley splitting the screenplay credit.

AMAZE-MO: That's a lot of wizards casting their incantations all at once. Not a good sign.

ME: No, but that isn't to say there aren't laughs here. The opening scenes where we meet Burt and Anton as boys and see where they bond over magic are genuinely warm and appealing. Carell and Buscemi's opening act is silly, sure, but it also doesn't seem that far away from anything you might actually pay to see on a stage in Vegas. Arkin's almost always good nowadays; he gives his scenes a lot of life. Buscemi, whether alone or with Carell, shows once again that he can deliver in a comic role. Carrey does some terrific slapstick comedy, showing the physical skills that made him such a sensation. And the close of the movie -- where the reunited duo attempt their greatest illusion ever in order to win the big prize -- is really, really funny.

AMAZE-MO: But you wouldn't be in a quandry if that was enough.

ME: And you're right. Carell's Burt simply isn't likable, or relatable, on-stage and off, for what seems like an eternity. I can see what Carell was aiming for -- Burt's a bit of a lost soul, someone who has forgotten what it was like to enjoy performing -- but the character's such a jerk, I can understand why people don't want to go see Burt's show, why no one wants to work with him anymore, why when he falls, there's nobody there to catch him.

AMAZE-MO: Ouch. (Produces a plastic bandage can, pops it open, and dumps out its contents onto my desk for a good minute, minute-and-a-half)

ME: (As the sterilized strips rain down) Meanwhile, Carrey's character -- who has a disturbing cable TV show called "Brain Rapist" --

AMAZE-MO: Classy.

ME: -- he' s supposed to be the villain, I get that, but he's such a thin and easily disposable one. Gandolfini finally gets to play a character who's not Tony Soprano, but doesn't ever seem comfortable. And Wilde has the thankless "obligatory love interest" role.

AMAZE-MO: In other words ...

ME: She's in the movie to challenge and even openly dislike Burt until she falls madly, unquestioningly in love with him, which happens so suddenly it almost causes whiplash. And she's a much more interesting character when she is antagonistic toward him.

AMAZE-MO: (Takes a moment to think) So you didn't like the movie?

ME: Not really. But I didn't hate it. Like I said, there's funny stuff here, and there are at least a couple of times where I laughed loud and long. I just wish I knew what to rate it.

AMAZE-MO: Silly columnist. Yes, you do. You always knew. (Leans to my monitor, waves his hands over it while chanting) "Not worth four and not worth none/neither three/neither one/help this mediocre entertainment writer of mortal birth/determine a numeric-symbolic value of this film's worth!" (The screen bursts open, then crumbles to ash)

ME: (Under my breath) Yeah, that's coming out of my paycheck.

AMAZE-MO: (He blows away most of the ash, and underneath are two glowing five-point stars) TA-DAAAA!

ME: (Poking at the stars) Um, I liked it better than that, I think.

AMAZE-MO: (With a frown) Fine. (He blows away another remnant of ash, finding another half-star) And with that, I bid you ... adieuuuuu!

POOF!

Sure enough, he was gone, like he was never here. The Amazing Amaze-mo had absconded back to his rightful plane -- along with my tape dispenser, a double-pack of paper clips and all of my Post-Its -- leaving behind a scorched spot where my monitor used to be, a surprisingly deep pile of off-brand bandages, and a rating that I could've come up with myself (and probably had): Two and a half stars (out of four).

I guess I need to be more careful what I wish for, huh?

Oh, and if anybody's in the market for a rabbit-slash-stapler, soon as I find it, it's yours. I know I've heard it ka-chunking around here somewhere ...

Content advisory: "The Incredible Burt Wonderstone" is rated PG-13 for sexual content, dangerous stunts, a drug-related incident and language. There are some potentially upsetting sequences involving Carrey's usually creepy and occasionally violent stunt-illusions, particularly separate ones involving a playing card, some birthday candles and a cordless drill. Carell beds two women in the film (one at a time; this isn't that kind of movie), but neither scene is remotely explicit (told you so).