Not ready for AARP -- just yet

Three months. A little over three months until I am officially undesirable … to the advertising agencies.

While most people make a big deal out of reaching the "0" birthdays such as 30, 40, 50, 110, another birthday milestone usually passes quietly. It's the turn of the calendar from 34 to 35.

That's not such a monumental occasion, you may be saying to yourself. Not so quick.

Think back to the last time you filled out a questionnaire, the last time you marked up an application. They didn't ask for your specific age because that could be insulting.

Rather they asked for an approximate age, say between 18 and 34, and then all those other ages.

What is so magical about 34 and 35?

In the eyes of advertisers, the ripe age of 35 is when you officially become uncool. You no longer have any idea what is "in" and what is "out." You are old enough to have children who are able to tell you what you should and, sometimes in not so nice terms,  shouldn't be wearing and eating.

For those in the undesirable age group, that is 35 to 105, you may be saying to yourself (which is the second time since you started reading this and is one sign of aging -- talking to yourself and more significantly, answering yourself): I'm settled. I have a good job. I making some money. I wear shoes that don't make flip-flop sounds when I walk.

Shouldn't I be the one the advertisers are catering to? Shouldn't I be the one they are seeking out and asking my opinion? Shouldn't I be singled out solely because I'm one of the few people in this world who wears shirts which covers my belly button?

Mind you, this is just a theory, but all those surveys that you fill out about your shopping trip or overall experience are probably tossed aside as soon as the scanners zip past the age question and you marked the wrong box, that is the 35 or over box. Therefore, the only surveys remaining are those filled out by people who don't remember cassette tapes, much less eight-tracks or records. They get to shape everything we buy and don't buy.

But there is a reason advertisers cater to the younger crowd. The 18- to 24-year-olds may not have more money, but they sure spend more money. They are also more flexible in their purchases. They'll try anything new, whether it's new technology or a new food.

The older set, on the other hand, will stick with the same toothpaste we've bought for the past 20 years and get upset if the manufacturer tries to brighten our teeth or reduce our plaque.

I shouldn't be too upset that I'm aging out of the desirable group. After all, I've never been any advertiser's prime target.

For starters, I'm too cheap to be hip. If it's not on sale, it won't make it into my closet. Nothing boosts my spirit more than donning a 75-percent off shirt coupled with an 80-percent off skirt. I'd leave the tags on just to prove my purchasing prowess if people wouldn't look at me strange.

Secondly, I've never been on the cutting edge of fashion. The few times I've tried to keep up with the latest style, I find myself about 11?2 years too late. People with straight-legged pants laugh at my flared jeans. My ankle-sweeping skirt is mocked by those with knee-skimming skirts.

But regardless of what is in style, I stick with one mantra: If you wore something the first time around, you don't get to wear it again when it comes back in style.

Leave that up to those youngins'. Those 18 to 34-year-olds.