Leave yourself room to have a happy holiday

The holiday music has been playing for months, Christmas decorations are already up, and most of us are gearing up for the Thanksgiving "season opener," this week.

Are you looking forward to it? Or, are you like the millions of Americans who anticipate the holidays with dread?

If so, there are things you can do now to take off the pressure.

For one, admit to yourself that holidays can be a time of stress and depression.

Acknowledge that relationships aren't always what we wish they could be -- that sibling or parent we've had confrontations with in the past, that wayward child, or perhaps it's the grandparent or aunt who is no longer with us.

Being without friends and family around us may be just as stressful as conflicts that arise when we are in a crowded house.

Holiday travel can be expensive, and it's always tempting to spend more that we intended to on gifts and entertainment. That can add to the stress, either now, or later when the bills arrive.

Finally, there's the "burning the candle at both ends" syndrome, as we attempt to do all the shopping, preparing of meals and attending every program and holiday gathering available. Exercise and sleep may be in short supply.

It's tempting to throw up our hands and withdraw from the holiday rat race, but that isn't realistic or healthy, either.

Mental health experts point out that we need to admit to our feelings -- it's OK not to feel happy just because a Christmas special is on TV. Sadness can be expected when a loved one is gone or you can't be near someone you love.

There are people available to help. Call your friends, clergy person or social group. Volunteer for a worthy cause, and don't be too proud to ask for help in your holiday duties.

Know your limitations, and don't be afraid to say "no." Set priorities and weed out activities that don't advance your holiday goals.

Call a truce with that feuding friend or family member. Accept people the way they are, and give up unreasonable expectations.

Set a budget and stick to it. Money won't buy holiday happiness, and perhaps a homemade gift or donation to a favorite charity would accomplish even more than that expensive purchase.

Plan ahead to conserve your energy, pencil in time for exercise and relaxation, and pay attention to what you eat -- head for the relish dish more often than the dessert table.

And don't try to create a false holiday spirit through too much alcohol.

It's OK?to make resolutions, but accept yourself for what you are -- there's always room for improvement, but you're never going to achieve perfection.

Lastly, if you still have unresolved issues, have trouble sleeping or think you may be depressed, don't hesitate to seek professional help.

Give yourself and others room to be human, and you may find yourself having a happy holiday season, after all.