Not leaves of grass

Dear Editor,

I find it somewhat crass

When they're's dog pucky in my grass

'Cuz I don't even own no dogs

So who's responsible for those stinkin' logs?

I got some paper towels and a shovel

thinkin' nitrile gloves were too much trouble.

I didn't need one, so I didn't get a bucket.

straight to the nearest dumpster is whar I tuck it.

Placing dog pucky gently is a must

to prevent shattering that delicate crust

that protects the world from the encased stench

which delivers the olfaction a gut-bending wrench.

Delicately done, I quickly retreat,

there's a leetle dab on the mower wheel; none on my feet.

Back to the mowing shaken, but filled with resolve;

the mystery of the Phantom Dog Pucky I may never solve.

The urine in the dog pucky will kill the grass.

Makes me want to kick that dog hard and fast.

Here's the difficulty, alack and alas,

I can't find the dirty dog that puckied in my grass.

Captain Pooper Scooper

Henry Hard Patrol

(Jim Henry, McCook)

EDITOR'S NOTE -- The Gazette has had a longstanding policy of not printing poetry on the Opinion page. This was an exception.