National pastime goes high tech: New York Yankees capture Playstation 2 World Championship

Greetings to all.

Irony seems to catch up to me every time.

I just love to make my disgust/hatred/rebuke for the New York Yankees known.

Since the beginning of the year I have wrote three columns that mentioned or focused my dislike for the Bronx Bombers, but Irony decided to attack this week's column.

You see, I decided to simulate the entire 2004 baseball season on Playstation 2's MVP Baseball 2004.

After personally correcting every roster to its Opening Day order, I began to do a little simulation dance.

Hours and hours of simulation led me to make these predictions for the 2004 season.

I would suggest clipping this column and hanging it on your refrigerator with the most special magnet you own and watch the baseball season unravel before your eyes.

It will be your own little Back To The Future.

Anyway, the only thing that anybody needs to know is that the Yankees will win about every single award that exists despite only receiving a Wild Card.

Before I predict the Yankees as World Series Champions, I must declare that the one thing that the Yankees can never win over is my heart.

Unless Yankees' owner George Steinbrenner buys out my current contract with the "Yankees Stink" club and signs me to nice, big contract with a hefty signing bonus.

Here are some key dates and happenings for the upcoming season:

June 8: Carlos Delgado is traded to the Astros in return for Jeff Bagwell to the Expos.

June 26: Shawn Green, Dodgers, is suspended six games for using a cork bat. Green didn't know how to make a corkED bat, so he decided to just use the cork as the entire bat.

July 4: The leading AL Cy Young candidate at the time, Red Sox's Pedro Martinez, tears his PCL and is out for at least 52 days.

July 7: Mysteriously, the first-place Cubs put the trio of Kerry Wood, Greg Maddux and Sammy Sosa on the trading block.

July 14: The Cubs trade Greg Maddux to the Mariners for Edgar Martinez.

August 1: Greg Maddux finds himself on the trading blocks once again. The Mariners didn't comment on a reason for their move, but I suspect it's because the organization is too afraid of keeping future Hall of Famers on their rosters for long periods of time.

ALL STAR GAME

STARTING LINEUPS

American League

P Mike Mussina (Yankees)

C Ivan Rodriguez (Tigers)

1B Jason Giambi (Yankees)

2B Bret Boone (Mariners)

3B Alex Rodriguez (Yankees)

SS Nomar Garciaparra (Red Sox)

LF Manny Ramirez (Red Sox)

CF Jason Varitek (Red Sox)

RF Vladimir Guerrero (Angels)

National League

P Mark Prior (Cubs)

C Mike Piazza (Mets)

1B Albert Pujols (Cardinals)

2B Jeff Kent (Astros)

3B Mike Lowell (Marlins)

SS Orlando Cabrera (Expos)

LF Barry Bonds (Giants)

CF Jim Edmonds (Cardinals)

RF Bobby Abreu (Phillies)

American League wins 6-2

All Star MVP: Mike Mussina

FINAL REGULAR

SEASON STANDINGS

NL West

Diamondbacks 88-74

Padres 84-78

Giants 79-83

Rockies 74-88

Dodgers 68-94

NL Central

Cubs 87-76

Brewers 86-77

Astros 85-77

Reds 81-81

Pirates 79-83

Cardinals 78-84

NL East

Phillies 89-74

Braves 88-75 (Wild Card)

Marlins 80-82

Expos 77-85

Mets 75-87

AL West

Mariners 87-75

Rangers 86-76

Angels 82-80

Athletics 77-85

AL Central

Royals 91-71

Tigers 81-81

White Sox 75-87

Twins 72-90

Indians 60-102

AL East

Red Sox 97-65

Yankees 93-69 (Wild Card)

Orioles 88-74

Blue Jays 76-86

Devil Rays 69-93

AWARDS

NL MVP: Rafael Furcal, SS (Braves) .291 Avg., 23 HR, 91 RBI, 40 SB

AL MVP: Vladimir Guerrero, RF (Angels) .318 Avg., 46 HR, 132 RBI, 108 R

NL Cy Young: Roger Clemens (Astros) 19W-6L, 3.31 ERA, 210 SO

AL Cy Young: Mike Mussina (Yankees) 18W-5L, 2.68 ERA, 189 SO

PLAYOFFS

AL Divisional Series

Red Sox over Mariners 3-2

Yankees over Royals 3-1

NL Divisional Series

Cubs over Braves 3-1

Diamondbacks over Phillies 3-1

AL Championship Series

Yankees over Mariners 4-1

NL Championship Series

Diamondbacks over Cubs 4-1

World Series (sigh)

Yankees over Diamondbacks 4-0

World Series MVP: Alex Rodriguez .346 Avg., 4 HR, 19 RBI

Don't expect Tyler to speak well of the Yankees for quite some time, unless, as he suggested, he is paid a gregarious sum of dough. You can reach Tyler by email at tbieck@hotmail.com