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To be or not to be
We could use the title of this column as the first words to a myriad of questions. To be or not to be a Christian or an atheist, to be or not to be a Republican or a Democrat, to be or not to be a bigot or a feminist or an athlete or an advocate. I'm going to write today on whether to be or not to be happy. Of all the questions we might ask, I believe this is one of the most important ones.
It's one of the most important because it is a daily choice that we make. Do we seek out positive things in our lives or do we accept the negative? Do we choose positive relationships with others or do we lull ourselves into accepting relationships that add nothing to our happiness at best and, at worst, actually detract from our happiness? Do our jobs, our occupations, and our professions excite us or depress us? Do our children make us smile or frown?
I certainly understand that we can't control every aspect of our lives but most of us can control far more than we're choosing to. And even in those areas we can't control, we CAN control how we respond and react to whatever is happening to us. That's the most important, the most validating response we can have. To choose how we respond. Eleanor Roosevelt once said that no one can hurt your feelings without your permission. She was absolutely correct. And that adage can be applied to so many different areas of our lives. No one can invalidate us, no one can put us down, no one can embarrass us or cajole us, and no one can make us feel small or inconsequential or wrong without us giving them permission to do that.
Some people agree with that statement but still choose not to take charge of their own lives and be responsible for their own happiness because they say it's too hard. It's easier to just go with the flow and let others dictate their happiness for them. Obviously, that's an emotionally unhealthy position to take. It may seem difficult to stop allowing others to dictate our definitions and our happiness but, once you do it, you'll be amazed at how simple it is. And you'll be amazed that it took you so long to do it.
Because the hardest thing is not DOING it but DECIDING to do it. Once that decision is made, the rest is easy and you will feel like a thousand pounds has been lifted from your shoulders.
It's up to us. Our happiness is our responsibility. If we know what we're doing is not making us happy and we think we know what will, then we are obligated to ourselves to seek it out. How many people every day make career changes, location changes and relationship changes because they're finally to the point that they're fed up with negativity in their lives and they've decided to seek out those things that bring them joy and make them smile.
Figure out what you need most to make you happy and then pursue it with all the vigor and energy you can muster. It will change your life forever.
Rhonda certainly changed mine.