Pretty darn soon
Read the Bible. The world is going to end pretty darn soon!
Are you prepared? Notify the post office and give them your forwarding address. Have you paid your life insurance premiums? If not, why not? Your insurance will be canceled if you do not pay soon.
Any overdue library books? Send them back and be quick about it.
Have you invested wisely? Nowadays, annuities are the way to go.
Remember to notify the power company to turn off your electricity. And the water bill: did you forget that?
Oh yes, I've heard all those excuses before. "I forgot." Well, friends, our time is up.
P.S. Cancel all subscriptions to newspapers who print drivel such as the above.