Fun with Sports Agents

"Listen to how stupid you people are. You people need to start studying soil content or something. Why don't you find out how many socks get washed every day in the locker room?"--Gary O'Hagan of International Marketing Group and Coach Bill Callahan's agent.

Did I get your attention? Right now, go to www.omaha.com, and search "Callahan's agent." Go ahead. I'll wait. Now, click on the story that says "Callahan's agent rips into NU rumor mill (11/10/2007)." Okay, did you read it?

If you haven't read the article, let me clue you in on the fun. Coach Bill Callahan's agent, Gary O'Hagan of the International Marketing Group, must be feeling a bit cranky these days. Apparently, he's the last person in the entire world of sports who has not heard that Nebraska football fans have high expectations--mainly a winning football program and a defense worthy of the being called The Blackshirts. When asked if Callahan had been asked to resign, O'Hagan said, "Why would he resign?" Hmmm…I don't know…Pride? Self respect? Avoidance of further humiliating defeats? Because he took a team that had talent and entrusted the defense to Cosgrove, who's brilliant defensive strategy allowed Kansas to score 76 points--the highest point total ever against NU?

O'Hagan remarked, "There are two games to go. He's under contract." Translation--Callahan will not resign, because his greedy sports agent is holding out for his commission off whatever hefty severance package it's going to take to get rid of him. O'Hagan reportedly resorted to shouting into the telephone, "Then fire him. Listen to how stupid you people are. You people need to start studying soil content or something. Why don't you find out how many socks get washed every day in the locker room?"

Wow! This guy's a genius! I wonder if he could be my literary agent.

I googled Gary O'Hagan, mostly because I wondered what kind of a pansy sports agent could lose his cool like that. Here's another fun article I found:

http://southflorida.bizjournals.com/twincities/stories/2007/07/09/focus2.html

Here's a quote from that article:

"Gary O'Hagan is one of the nation's most powerful sports agents, but you won't hear him screaming "Show me the money" like Jerry Maguire.

The 6-foot-9 O'Hagan has an imposing physical presence, but a calm demeanor that he takes with him into negotiations. Armed with some of the industry's most extensive data on compensation trends, he prefers to let the numbers speak for themselves when representing clients."

Calm demeanor, huh? Apparently, that reporter's experience was a little different than that of the World Herald's reporter. I guess you exchange more pleasantries when asking about a coach with a winning record. Now, I'm going to dwell on the sentence that states O'Hagan "prefers to let the numbers speak for themselves." Really? Then do we really need to explain to O'Hagan why Callahan should resign?

I would love to contact O'Hagan myself and discuss a few things with him, but I'm just too busy studying soil content and the laundering statistics of our athletic department.