Opinion

Playing the hand we're dealt

Saturday, April 26, 2008

If someone would have told me twenty five years ago that, at this stage in my life, I would be single, living alone in an apartment, and teaching at a community college in McCook, Nebraska, I would have, at the worst, gone looking for a gun, and at best, considered myself an abject failure.

But that's exactly where I am and exactly what I'm doing and, for whatever reason, I haven't felt a need to do or feel either of the above. Perhaps it's the most extreme kind of rationalization, but for the most part, I'm happy with my life.

Not blissfully happy, of course, but probably as happy as most of the other people in the world are. But I do miss the bliss.

I had great plans for myself early on in my life. I married the most beautiful woman I had ever known. A woman all the other guys wanted. She was a cheerleader at the university I graduated from, president of her sorority, and was selected as one of the ten most beautiful women on campus. And for some strange reason, she chose me over everyone else. We were married for over a quarter of a century and raised three beautiful, wonderful boys.

When I was in graduate school, I was elected to the Graduate Student Council at Oklahoma State University and later that year, elected President of that staid body and believed I was on the way, because of my love for politics, to being elected to many more things, maybe the United States Senate and perhaps even beyond. But the only other things I was ever elected to after that were President of the Faculty Senate at Northwestern State University and President of the Faculty at McCook Community College. As strange as it may seem, those two elections mean just as much to me as any other election could have.

After moving from place to place and not living anywhere longer than five years since I graduated from high school, I moved to McCook and found my home. I've lived here for fourteen years now and, although I'm not a native, I consider myself as much a McCookite as anyone. I was asked the other day if I intended on staying here after I retire from MCC and I said I did, as long as she is close by.

She being the woman I fell in love with eight years ago who took up residence in the deepest recesses of my heart and soul and will be there forever. A woman totally opposite from the woman I was married to for so long but someone who brought out the love in me like no one ever had before and even though she's not with me physically, she will always be with me emotionally. Everything I do, I do with her in mind.

That is not meant to disparage my former wife or the relationship we had at all. What we had was wonderful for a really long time. I didn't think it was possible to ever love anyone else but her, much less love someone more than her. And perhaps it's not more, it's just different. These two women just came into my life at different times in my life. I wasn't the same person thirty five years ago that I was eight years ago or now.

I adopted a town as my home town where most of the people don't see and define the world as I do. Consequently, I live in a place where a majority of my views are unpopular because I write this column and tell people what I think. Because of that, I live in a town where I am probably more disliked than liked. But in spite of that, I consider McCook to be my home and I always will.

I teach at a college where I choose not to just go along to get along. When I see wrongs and injustices, or things I don't like, I speak out about them and sometimes that doesn't hold me in great favor with others. Consequently, many in the college community I'm a part of aren't my biggest fans either.

I work for an administration that I occasionally call to task for sometimes forgetting that our main, and really our only objective, is to be the best we can be for the students we serve, instead of being the best we can be for ourselves, and yet, even though this is the only community college I've ever taught at, coming here from teaching at four-year colleges and universities, I love teaching here more than anyplace else I've been.

So I know I surely must be a conundrum for others because I'm a conundrum for myself. If I was to be measured by the standards I set for myself a generation ago or if I was to be measured by standards my peers and I set for each other during that time, I would be a failure.

Instead, because of the students I love and cherish, because of the few close friends I've made, because of the service I'm able to provide, and because of the love I found in a woman that surpassed any love I've ever known before, I'm more successful than not.

And I think that's called playing the hand you're dealt.

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  • Well said, and welcome to mortal life. We all travel life's road, and thank God, not in the exact, same, footprints. Genericize your words a bit, and anyone, accepting life, can put their signature to your words.

    Shalom in Christ, Arley Steinhour

    -- Posted by Navyblue on Sat, Apr 26, 2008, at 5:37 PM
  • forgive me if I don't quote this word for word but there is a quote from Shakespear that seems fitting and is on I really agree with. "This above all, to thy known self be true." For me it means if you know yourself and are true to yourself, do what you enjoy and you will be happy. I never planned on staying here either.

    -- Posted by amystrauch on Mon, Apr 28, 2008, at 9:55 PM
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