Wow! Has this been a tough couple weeks! I think I've mentioned before that I'm one of those moms that actually dreads the first day of school. I know I'm not the norm and I get just as fed up with the summer bickering and boredom my girls daily express, but when I realize the first day of school is approaching, the sadness starts to swell in me. It's not that I'm not excited for my girls to start school, I really am, and I enjoy picking out their new backpacks and shiny new tennis shoes. It's just the sap in me comes out when it hits me that its one year closer to my babies growing up and leaving home.
However, this year might have topped my list emotionally. My youngest daughter, my baby, started Kindergarten. Now I officially have NO children in the house during the day. No little one to take care of all day long. No little shadow to follow me around helping me empty the dishwasher or water the plants. No sippy cups to fill, no Sesame Street on TV in the morning and no one to take for a walk in the wagon after lunch. Doesn't that just break a mama's heart?
It doesn't help either that my oldest started 7th grade, which is what I would consider a legitimate Jr. High student. And don't forget my 10-year-old who just started her last year of elementary school. Oh yeah, and the mother of all mothers, I added starting a brand new career as a cherry on the top of my emotional meltdown. As if all three of my girls starting school wasn't tough enough on me?
Anyways, I've realized my brain must have been in survival mode, and completely shut out all emotions during the last couple weeks because surprisingly, I made it through every major life hurdle with only a few minor meltdowns. Okay, maybe three or four, but I held it together WAY more than I expected. I admit, there were several days where I wasn't sure whose life I was living cause it sure as heck wasn't the one I knew. I felt like I was in a twister, but I just kept thinking "baby steps," just telling myself to get through one day at a time knowing a new routine would eventually fall into place.
It made things better that my 5-year-old was SO excited to go to Kindergarten, but it still took about all I had in me to walk away from her school those first few days. I just wanted to press a rewind button and have a few more days with her in each stage of her life. I can say the same feelings were there when I watched my 12-year-old, looking more like a 16-year-old and just as tall as one, glide into the Jr. High looking all pretty and grown up. Then my 10-year-old jumping out of the car almost too fast for me to blow her a kiss. I swear, if I wouldn't have had to go to my new job that first day of school, I guarantee I woulda been an all out bawling mess and spent the day looming around the house, reminiscing through photo albums. But to save my appearance and my mood that day, I sucked it up and carried on like a true soldier.
Each week has gotten a little easier and I know our new routine will come about but man alive has it been a tough one. Thankfully I've spoken to a few other moms out there that dread the first day of school too, so I know I'm not alone. I guess I just thought each year after Kindergarten would get easier or by my third kid, I'd be shoving her out the door, happy to be done, but no matter how irritated I get at them or how often we butt heads, to see them enter a new grade in school is about the toughest on their ol' Mama.
Can u imagine what I'll be writing come graduation day?