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A conversation with my ex

Friday, December 10, 2010

My ex-wife called me the other night to tell me that she's getting married. This took me by surprise because I didn't even know she was pregnant.

Just kidding.

She's only been dating the guy since July but she says she loves him and that's all that matters. She and I are both the "falling in love" kind. We got married six weeks after we met and it lasted just a couple of months shy of 26 years so I don't get concerned when I hear that people are getting married after short engagements. I've been in love three times and I fell in love with all three of them within days after meeting them.

Her future husband sounds like a nice guy by the way she described him and that's important because there's more than enough bad guys out there to go around.

We had our melancholy moments as we recounted the milestones in our own marriage; the birth of our children, the moves to different towns and cities, going through the educational process and getting graduate degrees together, watching our boys grow into men and a lot of the other things that couples share on that incredible journey called marriage.

The only thing that upset me is that they're getting married this New Year's Eve and that's going to mess up our holiday plans. I've spent every Christmas for the past 10 years in her house and we always have a big family feast on Christmas day. She told me we could do that again this year because she's told her future husband about me and the kind of relationship she and I have and that he's not threatened by it. That's a mature attitude for him to have but it just wouldn't seem right for me to stay at my ex-wife's house the week before she gets married so we're in the process of making alternative plans.

She also invited me to her wedding but I'm not going to do that either.

I asked her why she picked New Year's Eve as a wedding day and she told me that she's spent the last 10 New Year's Eve's alone and that she doesn't want to be alone anymore. I've written in this column before about the saga of our dog Arlo, who has spent the last few years with Linda. He died unexpectedly a few months ago and she told me she never imagined the effect his death would have on her. Arlo was her constant companion, sleeping with her at night and following her around during the day and now she's alone is a big empty house that's scary at night and she doesn't want to do that anymore.

I told her I hoped she wasn't getting married because her dog died and she didn't respond too kindly to that. She said that she loved the man she was going to marry and that he loved her too. Everybody deserves to be happy and if this makes her happy, then I'm all for it because we've been able to stay good friends throughout our marriage and our divorce and I want the best for her.

On the other hand, it seems to me like it would be a lot easier to train a new dog than to train a new husband.

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So, what exactly is the purpose of this story?

-- Posted by FarmerJoe on Fri, Dec 10, 2010, at 5:51 PM

Sounds like you might be sitting on the "pity pot" concerning your ex and holidays that are fast approaching..break the mold and give yourself a chance to experience this holiday doing something new and different and not involving your ex..

-- Posted by misty on Fri, Dec 10, 2010, at 6:30 PM

When one is between the 'Rock and the Hard Place,' it is best not to say anything, and even better to step aside quickly, and silently so to not be 'between,' any way shape or form. You need to smile, and love enough to promote the union, whatever the date, in the hope that your 'Ex' is still your friend. End.

Focus on your life, this Christmas and New Year.

Since you cannot lose anything more at this point, perhaps it is time to get up, shake the dust of yesterday off, and look around for another track to follow. Derailment, IMO, only means that Jesus is prepping you for another, better, destination. Ponder, focus, and act.

I wish you the best. Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and Brighter Tomorrow.


-- Posted by Navyblue on Sun, Dec 12, 2010, at 10:00 PM

Nice article Mike. I could never understand why people seem to have so much hate for each other after a divorce when at one time they were the closest people can get. I'm glad you and your ex were able to maintain a nice relationship and I'm sure your children were also very happy. Happy Holidays.

-- Posted by salamat on Thu, Dec 16, 2010, at 9:01 AM

I think it was a horrid article. Get a life. Your ex has moved on so should you.

-- Posted by trenton on Tue, Dec 21, 2010, at 9:00 PM

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Mike Hendricks
Mike at Night