Holbrook family receives Presidential Volunteer, Family of Year awards

Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Jim Rhinehart of Arapahoe, right, Nebraska representative for International Student Exchange, and Mary and Toby tenBensel of rural Holbrook stand with the senior portrait of the tenBensels' exchange student, Sofia Ulvan, and certificates of recognition for the tenBensel family. ISE named the tenBensels a regional "Family of the Year," and U.S. President Barack Obama recognized the tenBensels with a "President's Volunteer Service Award." For more information on participating in the ISE program, contact Jim at (308) 962--7426; leave a message if necessary, he'll call back. Also, visit www.iseusa.com (Connie Jo Discoe/McCook Daily Gazette)

HOLBROOK, Nebraska -- The rural Holbrook, Nebraska, family that opened its heart and home so that a young girl from Sweden could experience America has been recognized as one of two "Family of the Year" regional award winners and a "Presidential Volunteer Service Award" national recognition recipient.

In a personal letter to Mary and Toby tenBensel, who live just east of Holbrook, U.S. President Barack Obama thanked the tenBensel family for their "devotion to service and for doing all you can to shape a better tomorrow for our great nation."

A certificate from The President's Council on Service and Civic Participation recognized the tenBensels' "commitment to strengthen our nation and for making a difference through volunteer service."

Jim Rhinehart of Arapahoe, an area representative for International Student Exchange, said it was "a no-brainer" to nominate the tenBensels for the ISE "Family of the Year" award, which led to the President's volunteer service award. "The tenBensels were the best family I had ... they were really, really great houseparents," Rhinehart said. "It was their attitude, their conscientiousness ... they bent over backward to make things work out."

The second ISE regional "Family of the Year" lives in Michigan, Jim said.


The tenBensels -- Mary and Toby, their daughter, Kaitlyn, and their sons Drew and Dane -- hosted 18-year-old Sofia Ulvan of Sweden from August 2009 through May 2010.

"She gave up her senior year (in high school) in Sweden to come here," Mary said, so Sofia and Kaitlyn were both juniors at Arapahoe High School last school year.

"Kaitlyn had always wanted a sister, and our youngest son was off to college," Mary said, so the family seriously considered an exchange student when Jim Rhinehart approached them about becoming an ISE host family. After Mary and Toby studied Sofia's profile and decided to welcome her into their home, they discovered that she had already been placed with another family.

"Jim asked us if we would consider another student," Mary said. "But I was outside mowing, and praying. I just really felt we should have Sofia."

Then Jim called again, Mary said: the other host family didn't qualify. Would the tenBensels take Sofia? "Yes!" Mary said her response was immediate, a strong belief that it was the right thing to do.

"We were very excited, and very nervous," Mary said. "We talked on Facebook," and the family made plans to welcome Sofia.

Toby was moved out of his office -- it became Sofia's bedroom. Toby said, with a smile, "It was well worth it. It still is Sofia's bedroom."

Mary described Sofia as a "very tender-hearted, loving girl," very easy to get along with. "The kids at school really loved her," Jim said. "They still talk with her and about her on Facebook."

"Her only quirk," Mary said, with a smile, "was that it took a while to get her up in the morning ... "

Just like anywhere, Sofia's experiences in America weren't all good. Shortly after Sofia's arrival, Mary's mother was diagnosed with cancer and, in December, the school lost band instructor Paula Deisley. Mary's mother died in February. "Sofia had never lost anyone close to her before coming here, and then she loses a good teacher and a 'grandma'," Mary said. "At home, she has her parents, and both sets of grandparents."

At three months -- as ISE officials very often predict -- Sofia's was stricken with homesickness. "The school called and said Sofia was having a bad day," Mary said. "It has to be quite an endeavor" for exchange students to leave their own families and move half-way around the world to live with someone else's family. "If Kaitlyn were an exchange student, I would want her host family to embrace her and love her as their own." Toby said, "Oh, with Sofia, that was easy."

Sofia wanted to experience America, Mary said. Although Sofia told the tenBensels about Sweden and her family, Mary said, "Sofia wanted a completely American experience."

An opportunity for a truly American experience was prom at Arapahoe High School. "Kaitlyn and Sofia spent hours looking on the internet for the perfect dresses," Mary said. Sofia tried hers on the instant the "Cinderella dress" arrived, and she modeled it for the family. Mary had to leave to run an errand, and when she came back, she said, Sofia was still wearing her perfect dress. "It's part of her home decor in Sweden," Mary said, chuckling.

Sofia and Kaitlyn became very close friends, "but Sofia didn't want to be a burden to Kaitlyn," Mary said. "Kaitlyn and Sofia had a lot of the same friends, but they had different friends, too. Kaitlyn misses her a lot."

Sofia was certain that she would be "homesick" again, for America once she returned to Sweden, Mary said.

The tenBensel family, with Sofia, made weekend and vacation trips throughout the Midwest, and made a major trip to Florida, to visit amusement parks and, at Sofia's request, Sea World.

The day that Sofia left in May was particularly stressful, not only because Sofia was leaving and she was worried about making connections and losing luggage, but also because Kaitlyn was leaving for a choir trip to Europe the same day. The girls left within two hours of each other, Mary said. She was excited about Kaitlyn's trip to Europe, but also sad to see Sofia leave.


For Sofia, the world turned upside down when she returned to Sweden. A month after her return home, she was diagnosed with Ewing's sarcoma, a rare cancer in which tumors grow in the bone or in soft tissue. In Sofia's case, a tumor grew on her leg, and then specialists found tumors in her lungs.

Mary sees God's hand in placing Sofia with her family in America. While here, Sofia developed a personal relationship with God that would help her get through this, Mary said. "We were fortunate to get her," Mary said. "God had a plan."

Toby said that Sofia's profile indicated that, yes, she is Christian and that, yes, she would attend church with her host family. "When she got here, we learned that her family in Sweden didn't attend church," Toby said. "But she easily became a part of the church family at the Methodist Church in Arapahoe."

After Sofia was diagnosed with cancer, Kaitlyn tried to sing a solo, "Our Heart Endures," in church, but, Mary said, she only made it about half-way through before she started crying, and couldn't continue.

Toby said, "When we announced in church that Sofia has cancer, it was very emotional. There wasn't a dry eye in the place."

Kip Stevens, the art teacher at Arapahoe High School, keeps his students and Sofia in contact with "Skype-to-Skype" voice and video calls. With Skype computer software and cameras, Sofia appears on the classroom Smart Board and she and students in Arapahoe can talk back-and-forth, Mary said.

Sofia's just finished her sixth chemotherapy treatment, Mary said. She's lost her hair, Toby said, the tumor on her leg is about half as large as it was when it was discovered, and the tumors in her lungs are gone. Doctors plan a surgery in December.

Mary said she has assured Sofia, "God is with you." Sofia replied, "Oh, I know. I feel Him."

Mary said that Sofia is optimistic, and plans to "get better and come back to Nebraska USA to go to college."

And Kaitlyn's gathering up college brochures, preparing for their college search.


Mary and Toby encourage other families to look into becoming ISE host families. "This is something families should try to experience," Mary said. "You only make your family larger. We have another daughter on the other side of the world."

Toby added, "And Jim does a great job placing the kids."

Jim said he's worked for other exchange programs, but is most impressed with the personal approach of ISE. Each student is covered by ISE insurance and provides his/her own spending money.

Mary said the greatest thing about ISE is its student profile, which includes a glimpse into the personality and character of each student, and letters of reference, school activities and grades and a list of extra-curricular activities.

Mary and Toby enjoyed their experience so much with Sofia that they want to do it again. "We came this close to getting a boy this year," Mary said, and added, with a laugh, "Oh, I'm going to need another one when my daughter goes off to college."

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  • This article is great. I don't know anybody who could possibly deserve the award better than the Tenbensel's!

    Leaving home to be an exchange student was the best decision I have ever made and it is definitely an amazing experience. I hope I can come back to the U.S. to visit everybody soon, I miss them all so much!

    Thank you guys!

    Sofia Ulvan

    sofiaulvan@hotmail.com

    -- Posted by sofiaulvan on Thu, Nov 25, 2010, at 12:58 PM
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