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Sunday, May 1, 2016

Taking the quick way out

Friday, April 23, 2010

Declan and I were watching a preview for that new movie "Diary of a Wimpy Kid," the preview featured one young grade-schooler attempting to educate his social misfit of a friend, on how to move up the popularity ladder. The misfit, of course, misunderstands his friends direction on complimenting other popular kids, and very publicly tells a more popular classmate, "nice butt" as if it were an everyday greeting. I laughed hysterically when I saw this and I remember Declan's ears perking up and him looking at me curiously. I should have known then I was in big trouble, but I didn't. He asked me what was so funny and since I had no clue how to explain the situation I took the quick way out and said "he told the other boy he had a nice butt." Declan was certainly confused but since I had no better answer at the time I let it go.

I paid for my lack of initiative the next day as we walked into Walmart. A younger man about twice my size was exiting as we entered. Declan eye-balled him curiously as he passed us and then, completely off the current topic and in a voice loud enough for everyone within a square-mile to hear, asked "How come you didn't tell him he had a nice butt?" The giant of a man shot a confused and snarley look at me as I turned three shades of red and mumbled something incomprehensible to any of us. I gave Declan's arm a quick tug and picked up our pace as I sped into the safety of the store.

After I recovered from the embarrassment and began to see the humor in it, I tried to defuse the situation as we shopped. Explaining to my increasingly curious 5-year-old that only girls had nice butts and that was why it was so funny when the boy on TV said it to another boy, again, ignorantly setting myself up for a crash.

We finished shopping and made our way to the checkout, several conversations later. Declan was being uncharacteristically quiet and oddly interested in the woman checking out in front of us. He waited patiently until she turned back and looked at him and then, without warning to me of course, said very calmly, "Nice butt." I again turned five shades of red and began talking 100 miles an hour. I tried to explain to the giggling woman that it was from something he had seen in a movie preview, I added that I was very sorry.

Even now I am uncertain that I could have explained the initial situation to Declan in a manner that would have avoided my public embarrassment. But one thing is for certain, next time I will give it much more effort, as I learned first hand that the price of taking the quick way out can be steep.

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That is soooooooooooooo funny!

-- Posted by catlemm on Fri, Apr 23, 2010, at 10:11 AM

I am a life long bachelor and have never had kids. I have had the fun of having two nephews though, one is now 40 and the other would be 24. The oldest nephews Dad left the scene when he was three years old. As the only Uncle close by I had the pleasure of teaching him how to fish, hunt, ride dirt bikes and other fun things. My nephew had a friend that was a monster. When the boys were about six I made the mistake of taking the monster along on a fishing trip. My nephew had mastered the art of casting with his Zebco 202 rod & reel. His friend the monster had never had a rod in his hand. I put a 1/2 ounce lead weight on the monsters line so he could practice casting without hooking anyone. I left the boys in the back of the boat to fish while I went to the front of the boat (a 19 foot Glastron) to do some serious fishing. I hear the monster ask my Nephew to trade poles. Before I could yell NO he had tossed the spoon with the treble hook to the front of the boat hooking me in the back of the neck. Both the boys were laughing as I was using words not appropriate around young boys. After losing about a cup of blood I got the hook out. I think I might have threatened to use the monster as an anchor but at the time he still didn't quit laughing. When the monster's Mother came to my house to pick him up she asked how he liked fishing. He started crying and said it was fun until I threatened to drown him. That kid was EVIL.

-- Posted by Big Chief on Wed, Jul 20, 2011, at 11:17 AM

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Bruce Baker
Dinner with Declan