Fifty golden years

Learn to know your marriage partner before the wedding ceremony.

Ann and I dated for three years in high school and then I chose a college that forbade marriage until graduation. We had a lot in common as she grew up on a farm about thirty miles north of McCook and I four miles south. Those seven years of dating allowed us to know each other quite well. We learned to love and appreciate each other and hunger for the opportunity to simply be together.

Communicate.

It wasn't long after we married that I learned Ann had some little foibles that struck me as inconsequential but were important to her. She wouldn't sleep in a bedroom with an open closet door! Evidently some childhood memory triggered a fear that in the dark bad things would come out and "get" her. Fingernail parings left in the sink grossed her out and she even detested the click of the clippers as I trimmed. Those irritations, and others I don't remember, she conveyed to me in understandable fashion and all I had to do was change my habits. And then particularly irritating was that she always awakened happy and I preferred grumpy. That was painful for me to change but happy it is now and what a wonderful improvement on outlook each morning. On the other hand her ability to talk during the program on TV and then remain quiet during commercials mystifies but I've come to suspect that is a woman's thing so just endure.

Retain a spirit of adventure.

During my career Uncle Sam dictated moves and family relocation to parts of the country we never expected to see much less make a home. We lived on both the Pacific and the Atlantic coasts, along the Rio Grande River, on the shore of Lake Superior and three different times in Oklahoma. At each new address Ann was able to make connections with the natives who choose to live in that place, find out what they liked to do and we joined in to enjoy the moment. Then when I would come home and announce that another move was imminent Ann was always ready to start packing. Toward the end of my career though with children in high school it was a little tougher to get them talked into the concept that leaving current friends and finding new ones was a good thing.

Respect and support her.

At the time we lived near Burns Flat, Okla. I was preparing to be gone for months at a time to pull duty in Vietnam. Ann had to learn to load our three young children in a car and drive solo the four hundred miles to Nebraska. She did it, gained the courage and never looked back. She joined Mary Kay Cosmetics in California, moved her business to Ohio, then Oklahoma, then on to Michigan and eventually home to Nebraska and meanwhile caused it grow to the high status of earning two pink cars, the symbol of the best of unit directors. My support, simply a pat on the back "high up"!

Pray and attend church together.

No matter the location church has been a part of our lives and it seems that the best friends made all over the country were friends we met in church. We supported each other during the difficult times of loss of both our parents. Death is a part of life but we think it is an experience to be shared in comfort with the one you love most. Children are a blessing but it takes both spouses working together to nurture them into adulthood. And then the greatest blessing of all is the coming of grand children.

Honor the other's opinion.

Ann and I built a house together a strainer of marriage relationships for some couples. For us it worked great because the things important to me, plumbing and electrical, heating and air-conditioning, decisions were all mine. The things that concerned her, the design of the kitchen, finish and color of walls, carpet type and color, all important to her I bowed out and endorsed her choices. It became a wonderful home that we enjoyed very much but sadly had to sell and move on.

Learn together.

We recently took a college class together and enjoyed it all the more because of the other's presence. We have an ongoing program of learning a more healthy lifestyle by attending Weight Watchers meetings together and encouraging each other during the time between.

Get away together to spend time one-on-one.

At the moment we are in Great Falls, Mont., honeymooning a little. We flew our Piper Arrow here and have been trapped by low clouds, even snow, allowing no escape through the mountains. No problem, we are privileged to stay in cheap quarters on Malmstrom AFB where I was stationed some 48 years ago. Private flight isn't Ann's preferred method of travel but she puts up with it because she knows how much I love it. But now that we are here there are a hundred things to do and enjoy. Today we toured Glacier National Park. Majestic!

And there are a thousand other things that I could offer as good advice that worked for me but wouldn't necessarily work for another couple. We are each individuals but I think God's plan of marriage by a man and woman committed to each other through the strong bond of love is the best. Saint Matthew got it right when he stated that "A good woman is much more valuable than the finest of pearls!" I have truly been blessed.

That is the way I saw it.