Mrs. Teachem

Dear Mrs. Teachem,

I asked my child about his drawings and he said he didn't know why he did it. I think it's merely an artistic outlet. He must be bored.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Snyder.

Dear Mrs. Snyder,

Artistic or not (and the drawings really aren't that good) he cannot use the desks in my classroom as his canvas. Perhaps if he is bored, I could give him more work to do.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Teachem

Dear Mrs. Teachem,

I don't think more work is going to fix the problem. Why punish him for exercising his artistic talent? Perhaps you should provide him with paper so he doesn't need to draw on the desk.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Snyder

Mrs. Snyder,

Why don't I provide all my disrespectful children with paper and we can turn my math class in to an art studio?

Mrs. Teachem

Mrs. Teachem,

OK, now you're just being facetious. Let's face it: My child is just different from the rest of your students. Why are you trying to force him into some kind of mold?

Mrs. Snyder

Mrs. Snyder,

I've got 24 square pegs in my classroom. The only thing that they all have in common is that they are all "different." My job has always been to prepare all those little square pegs for a round world. Some are simply more pliable than others.

Mrs. Teachem

Dear Crazy Teacher,

Are you suggesting that my little square peg isn't a perfect angel? Well, maybe you're not a perfect teacher!

Mrs. Snyder

Dear Over-acting Mom,

I am suggesting that if your square peg doesn't stop writing on desks, then McDonald's will fire him from his first job for taking orders directly on the counter in permanent marker. His life will then spiral downward, out of control, until he hits rock bottom. Then and only then will he resist the urge to write on hard surfaces.

Mrs. Teachem

Dear Mrs. Know-it-all,

Perhaps his first job will be drawing those little cartoons on the windows of fast food restaurants with shoe polish.

Mrs. Snyder

Dear Mrs. Head-in-the-clouds,

As I may have mentioned, he's not that good.

Mrs. Teachem

Madam Doubter,

And how is he supposed to get "good" without practice?

Mrs. Snyder

Lady Lunatic,

Perhaps you could tell him to draw on your own furniture and appliances?

Mrs. Teachem

Shows what you know, quack! He's already drawn what I think is a 5th century depiction of an Egyptian tomb on my refrigerator. His medium was spray whipped cream. And the one I'm most proud of is the one on the bathroom wall that, I think, is a hairy big toe done in purple chalk. So lifelike!

Mrs. Snyder

Now listen here, you Batty Broad … I'm sure you're very proud of your child's irrelevant accomplishments, but I must insist that he refrain from practicing his dubious skills on our classroom furniture.

Mrs. Teachem

Teachers are simply communists with a sing-song voice and an overhead projector.

Mrs. Snyder

-- You can reach Laura at lsnyder@lauraonlife.com Or visit her website www.lauraonlife.com for more columns and info about her books.