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The changing face of funeral services
Like almost everything else, funeral/burial customs have changed through the years. For a long time the church had strict rules about what could be done and what could not done at a funeral. Priests and pastors of protestant churches used almost dictatorial powers in deciding every aspect of the funeral service.
Over the years this has changed, as each immigrant group brought in its own funeral customs, and those customs have made their way into the mainstream, which make up the American way. This promises to continue as more and more of these immigrant groups become Americans.
Some of the traditions we associate with funerals, for instance: candles and flowers, even predate the Christian religion, and can be traced to ancient Pagan customs.
In Mexico The Day of the Dead (Dio De Los Muertos), held in Oct./Nov., coincide with All Saints Day and All Souls Day of the Catholic Church, This a major holiday and co-exists (or at least is tolerated) by the strong, Mexican Catholic Church. Especially interesting for the tourist is Guanajuato, Mexico. Here, there is something in the water which permeates the soil in the cemeteries that preserves bodies as mummies, many of which have names and nicknames, and are on display at a local museum. Replicas of these mummies, made of sugar, are a favorite treat for children.
Marchers in skeleton costumes show up in parades throughout the year. The idea seems to be that death, feared as it is, can be taunted and ridiculed, which somehow gains the marcher a mastery over the dreaded specter -- at least for a time.
For the "die-hard" fan, the University of Nebraska has licensed casket makers to offer Cornhusker logos on the lining of coffins. A British company is offering "Pay for View" programming on cable -- for people who are unable to attend a funeral in person.
In recent years more and more funeral services have been conducted outside the church -- in parks or at lakeside, aboard ships or boats, in sports stadiums, and at funeral homes.
A schoolmate of mine paid several thousands of dollars to have a capsule of his wife's cremains shot into orbit, where she will remain, as a tiny moon of the earth, presumably, forever.
At some funeral homes the organist and singers are hidden from view by elaborate two way screens, so that the musicians can see the minister and the mourners, but the mourners cannot see them. This works well to give mourners more privacy, but conveys the idea of music being performed on CDs, which some find less than desirable.
It can also lead to unexpected consequences. At a recent funeral service in a Midwestern state the funeral director and his assistant took chairs behind the screen in the musicians' cubicle. The minister conducting the service proved to be quite talkative and his oration went on and on.
The day was warm and the air conditioning system was not operating. This, coupled with the fact that the mortician and his assistant had been working for most of 24 hours, made for very heavy eyelids. When the minister finished at last there was a very awkward pause in the ceremony -- there was no funeral director to direct the conclusion of the service. After what seemed to be a very long time, the singer looked back to see the mortician and his assistant both sound asleep in the seats behind her. As silently as she could she shook the funeral director awake. He immediately jumped up, and though somewhat flustered, quickly proceeded to his job of finishing the service and ushering the mourners out of the sanctuary.
A few years ago a Colorado organist was asked to play for the funeral of a young man. Usually young people do not spend much time or thought on their own funerals, but this young fellow had everything planned, and family members were doing their best to respect his wishes.
One song he had picked to be sung was "Perfect In Every Way," which was unfamiliar, and had to be approved by the minister. Instead of its being a praise to God, it turned out to be a popular song by country/western artist, Mack Davis.
"Oh Lord it's hard to be humble, when you're perfect in every way.
I can't wait to look in the mirror 'cause I get better looking each day.
To know me is to love me -- I must be a helluva man.
Oh Lord it's hard to be humble, but I'm doing the best that I can."
After reviewing the words the minister refused to allow the song to be a part of the service. As a compromise he allowed the song to be played, but not sung, as part of the prelude to the service. It was a unique experience to hear "Oh Lord it's Hard to be Humble" played on a mighty pipe organ.
The desire to personalize a funeral service has taken some unusual turns in the last years. We've heard about the fellow who directed that he should be buried in his 1965 Cadillac convertible (how many cemetery plots would that require?), or the fellow who wanted his ashes scattered by plane over Yankee Stadium (which proved to be illegal).
Some funerals have been planned as if they were Broadway productions. One such incident occurred in a neighboring state, for a lady whose closest living relative was a nephew, who was a TV producer in California. He had been gone from his aunt and his native state for long time, but he knew what he wanted for his Aunt's last hurrah.
At the beginning of the service, the mourners filed into the church to the song, "Put On a Happy Face." Later, they filed out of the church first accompanied by the voice of Fats Domino, singing his rendition of "Red Sails in the Sunset," after which came Nat King Cole's recording of the same song -- apparently the aunt's favorite song.
A minister at the church was supposedly in charge of the funeral service and offered a short prayer to begin the service. Immediately after his prayer, the producer/nephew began his tribute to his aunt. The minister stood by, ready to resume his part of the service, but after a bit he sat down, while the tribute went on for a full 35 minutes.
During this tribute the nephew covered everything from his aunt's starring role in a grade school musical, to the attributes of her three husbands, who had preceded her in death. Of special note was the lady's dog. In going over the service ahead of time with the organist, the nephew instructed that when he began to talk about "Buddy" she should begin the soft strains of "How Much Is That Doggie in the Window?" The organist protested, saying she did not know that number. No problem. Dinah Shore, via her hit recording of that song, filled that portion of the funeral just fine.
Toward the end of the nephew's tribute, a trumpet player began to play the mournful strains of "Just a Closer Walk With Thee," and as the tribute came to a close the trumpet player launched forth with the Dixieland version of that song, followed by parts of other New Orleans Dixieland classics.
A friend of the family, a man who had a beautiful deep voice, provided special music for the service, with his own arrangement of "Old Man River."
Finally, as befitting the aunt's status as a veteran of World War II a color-guard was on hand to offer a military salute to the aunt at the cemetery, and the colors were presented to the nephew on behalf of a grateful nation. From all reports, it would seem that the nephew was well pleased with the production -- I mean funeral.
No doubt funeral customs will continue to evolve. It's a cinch that death will always be with us.