Opinion

The perfect make and model

Friday, March 21, 2008

When a man and a woman shop for an automobile, they each look for different things. That's why both husband and wife need to be there.

If the man went alone, he might come back with a vehicle that would go 200 miles an hour and do zero to 60 in less time than it takes to sneeze, but… it might not have a windshield. He's thinking about the power, not the fact that bugs inhabit the air that he would be plowing through at 200 miles an hour.

A woman might like the way it looks, the fact that her non-spill coffee mug would fit perfectly in the cup holder, and that the seats are comfortable, but she may neglect to hear that ticking sound under the hood that might signal an impending explosion.

In theory, you could say that when shopping for a car, men tend to look at what's under the hood and women tend to look at the exterior features. However, when they are looking for each other, the criteria are the exact opposite.

A woman shopping for a man doesn't care much about the exterior as long as it is presentable. She knows it's what's under the hood that counts. She's not looking for speed as much as integrity. After all, what difference does it make that he can go fast if he lets you down before his odometer reaches 20,000 miles?

She's looking for one that doesn't leak oil on her garage floor or spew noxious fumes into the air. A model that needs very little gas -- no gas at all, in fact, would be perfect.

A woman would look at his heating and cooling system. She needs a model that will keep her warm in the winter and cool in the summer. Safety is also an important issue for women, so his anti-lock brakes should be in good working order… so he can…slow down without skidding, I guess. I'm making this up as I go here.

A man may look at what's under the hood when shopping for a car, but when he's shopping for a mate, what's under the hood isn't half as important as the way the paint job gleams and how comfortable it is to sit in.

He's looking for clean lines and aerodynamics…in case he, um, ever needs to throw her, I guess. He wants a model with dual air bags and nice bumpers. He wants other men to hyperventilate when they see her.

Because he is apparently incapable of asking for directions, the ideal model for him would come equipped with a standard GPS unit that had a sexy voice option.

A man wants smooth leather seats that have not been surgically enhanced and when he sits behind the wheel, he wants to feel like he's in control… even when he's not.

Many men want a red one also, but unless we're talking about red hair here, the simile is lost on me.

Men and women definitely do not shop for automobiles the same way they shop for mates. Imagine how very different the world would be if we did.

-- You can reach Laura at lsnyder@lauraonlife.com Or visit her website www.lauraonlife.com for more columns and info about her books.

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