Years ago, when the children were all in public education, the system instituted another revolutionary educational program. Another in a long line of reforms this one was titled "Outcome Based Education."

I assume it was my own lack of an outcome based education that was responsible for my failure to clearly understand the big picture view of Outcome Based Education, but based on the name, I deduced that the desired outcome was a student who had, at the very least, mastered the basics of a prescribed course of study. To achieve this end, instructors were encouraged to utilize the many resources at their disposal, apparently with the understanding that in the cause of education, the end justified the means.

Even though I was an employee of the school district my children attended, and even though I was fairly involved in their day-to-day educational process, I really didn't see any remarkable change in their courses of study.

However, it was a catchy phrase and it is certainly in keeping with our modern "if-then" mindset.

Don't get me wrong. There are many concrete examples of "if-then" in our life experiences.

If I jump off of a 20-story building without a parachute, or a safe landing zone, then I will die.

If I consume 4,000 calories every day and only expend 2,200 each day, then I will gain weight, quickly.

In education, if I study the material comprehensively, then I will do well on the test.

In marriage, if I am a good wife, a patient wife, an amenable wife, then I will have a good strong marriage. Screeech. Maybe not.

That whole issue of free will comes into play in this case. Marriage and family, by definition, involve more than one person, more than one will. Therefore, the if-then dynamic is rendered virtually useless. I cannot, by sheer force of my will, change the will, or the heart, of another human being, no matter how much energy I put into the effort.

A neighbor in the trailer court where we lived when the children were small, decided one day that she didn't love her husband anymore.

No amount of reason, offered by well-meaning neighbors and extended family, and no amount of pleading by the husband, would sway her from her determination to divorce. She left her two young daughters with their father. He had been a good provider, a faithful spouse and they had a snug, comfortable home. He had done everything he had been taught about being a good husband and a good father. From his perspective, in the best of all "if-then" scenarios, this union should have easily stood the test of time. But he had no defense against that most wonderful, yet most perilous, aspect of human nature, "free will."

A friend recently lamented about a similar situation. "I did everything right!" she cried. Caught in the if-then mindset, in her opinion, that should have automatically translated into her achieving her goal. She forgot to factor in free will. Someone else had a stake in the issue and that someone had a different goal in mind altogether.

When I was up for a much deserved promotion at the school district, I too, had done "everything right." Yet my goal went unrealized. Someone else had a stake in the issue and that Someone had a different goal in mind altogether.

I was heartbroken to see my dream die. Many tears were spent lamenting the unfairness of it all. Recounting the injustice to any who would listen, I revisited my pain over and over again, until I remembered that the Someone in this case was my own heavenly Father. Years earlier I had discovered a quote in the book "The Wounded Heart" by Dan Allender, and when I read it again, found again a great comfort.

"Do I believe that God is a loving Father who is committed to my deepest well being, that he has the right to use everything that is in me for whatever purpose he deems best, and that surrendering my will and my life entirely to him will bring me the greatest joy and fulfillment I can know this side of heaven?"

Scripture is full of if-then scenarios. In Scripture, however, each if-then deals directly with an individual's free will. If I can answer the Allender quote in the affirmative, then I will know great joy and fulfillment in this life, in spite of my thwarted goals, my dead dreams, all of the if-thens that failed -- past, present and future.

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge him and he will direct thy paths." Proverbs 3:5, 6 (KJV)

Things you won't see in heaven:

Broken hearts