Leaving the nest -- The final semester for some

This is a melancholy time for parents and their children across the land. Many will be graduating in five short months from high school and will be embarking on a life filled with new challenges and expectations. It's especially melancholy for the parents. The babies they have nurtured since birth are babies no more and they will soon be leaving the nest to begin their own lives as adults. Some will go on to college, some will get jobs, some will get married but, whatever they do, their lives and the lives of their parents will never quite be the same again.

Even though the children of humans stay with their parents longer than any other living species, we parents still aren't sure we did what we were supposed to do. At this stage, there are still many more questions than there are answers. Were we good role models? Did we provide them with the skills they will need to survive on their own? Did we instill in them the morals and values that will keep them in good stead with others? Did they internalize our good qualities or our bad ones? Did we do the absolute best we could do in raising them and preparing them for a future they will live much more without us than with us?

We're likely not to discover the answers to most of these questions in the near future because how they turn out and what they turn into will be a process rather than an event. We will get sneak peeks because of some of the decisions and choices they will make in the short term but most questions won't be fully answered for years. Only then will we be able to tell them that we're proud of who they've become and the choices they've made and, in doing that, we'll be able give our own selves a pat on the back for the job we did in preparing them for life away from us.

If our graduating senior is the last of the litter, it will also mean a significant change in our own lives as well. The primary parenting role we've played for all these years will essentially be over. There won't be any more plays or ballgames or band concerts to attend. Our lives won't revolve around our children anymore, it will just be us and our spouse.

It's not surprising that the divorce rate spikes after a couple's last child graduates and moves away. They've spent so much time parenting that they don't know what to do now that it's only the two of them. Sometimes the love has gone away and they didn't realize it because they were so busy being parents. In fact, it's not rare for two people to realize they don't even know each other any longer, because so much of their energy and effort has been focused on the child instead of on each other and their marriage. The children leave and it becomes evident that the child or children were the glue that held the marriage together. It was the one thing the two spouses had in common and now that it's just them, they no longer have anything in common.

Of course, graduating the last child affects some couples in completely opposite ways. They're able to rekindle the love they once had for each other, refocus their attention on each other and go and do things together they couldn't do when children were present in the home.

And most couples have no idea whether they're going to be one of the former couples or one of the latter couples until they're actually in that position. Some people make up their minds far ahead of time that as soon as the last child graduates and leaves that they will leave too. Others are actually anxious for the child to leave so they CAN reestablish the relationship they once had with their spouse and they're excited about doing it; but most couples literally don't know how things are going to be until they're faced with that situation and sometimes the ultimate answer surprises them as much as it does anyone who knows them.

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My book, Thoughts About Love: You Take My Breath Away, is currently available only through me and you're more than welcome to call me at 308- 345-2671, write me at 1300 East H. Street, #22, McCook, NE 69001, or email me at mikeatnight1009@ gmail.com to order a copy. The price is $20, tax included. Gene Morris, President of Morris Media, and I are currently in the process of making arrangements for the book to be made available in retail stores around the area. An announcement about where and when will be forthcoming shortly.