Erving Goffman called it "front stage-back stage" behavior and it means many different things. Sometimes we say different things to different people. For example, we might tell someone we love them and tell others we don't. Sometimes we say the same things to different people. We tell one person we love only them and someone else that we love only them. Sometimes our private lives are far different from our public personas. We might portray a serious, responsible, respectable person in public and be the opposite of that in private. Or the reverse could also be true. We never know what really goes on behind blinds that are closed and doors that are shut.

This has become a way of life for many; some to the point that it's difficult, if not impossible, to figure out who they really are. My best friend in high school had a sister a year younger that we were. When we were in junior high and before either of us could drive, his mom or dad would take me, him, his sister and one of her friends to the nearest town to go to the movies. She had four really good friends and would alternate taking them. What would always happen would be his sister and the friend she was with would spend most of the night talking bad about the other three friends. Then the following week, she would take a different friend and THEY would spend most of the night talking bad about the other three, including the one she had taken the previous week. This went on every week.

I continue to see and hear the same kinds of things happening today. When I'm with people I know, a lot of the talk is about other people we know that aren't there and the talk is often as negative as it is positive. Or someone who's there will leave, and then the ones remaining will talk bad about the one who just left. It is sometimes so obvious that someone will remark that they're not leaving until everyone else has left because they don't want to be talked bad about too.

Some people will do things they know won't be looked on in a positive way if others find out about it so they deny doing those things, even though they can hardly wait to do them again.

The whole issue here is honesty and we're all aware of what honesty is. Sometimes we tell someone else we're going to be "brutally" honest with them. That means we're either going to tell them the truth or, at least, tell them exactly what we think. What I always think of when I hear someone say something like that is that if they have to announce that they're being honest, then the only conclusion to draw is that they're NOT being honest if they don't tell us that they are.

On the other hand, there are some people who are totally transparent. What you see is what you get, what you hear is what they feel and believe, what they do is done in the open, whether other people agree with their words and behavior or not. It seems to me this would be a better world if we did a lot more of the latter and a lot less of the former. I would rather be criticized for being an "open book" than I would for being a hypocrite because that's what we are when we attempt to lie, deceive and hide who we really are and what we're really doing or thinking.

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My book of columns; "You Take My Breath Away: Thoughts on Love and Relationships" will be out late Monday, just in time for the book signing at the Bieroc Café on Tuesday from 4 'til 6 p.m. Those of you who have advanced purchased a copy can pick it up then or, if you can't attend, can make arrangements with me to make sure you receive it promptly. Those of you who have notified me of the number of copies you want and given me your mailing addresses can expect your copies to arrive within a few days after the book becomes available. I look forward to meeting many of you who faithfully read my column at the signing on Tuesday. If you have people on your Christmas gift list that are hopeless romantics like I am, the book will make a great Christmas present.