He had to hear about it on the Internet

I pushed the send button on the cell phone.

"What's up?" I asked him.

He didn't mince words.

"Why is it that every time there's news from home, I have to read it on the Internet?" he demanded.

I made a quick search over the past three or four days since the last time I talked to him. No one was pregnant. No one had died. There hadn't been any serious injuries or illnesses in the family; frankly, I had no idea what he was talking about, so I asked.

"What are you talking about?"

"You've been talking about putting together a book with your columns for the last three years," he informed me -- I was aware of the fact.

"And when you finally do it, I have to read about it on the Internet."

"I told you," I informed him.

"No," he said, "obviously you told everyone but me."

I had to think fast on my feet; not always easy for an airhead. "I wanted to make sure you were reading my columns," I said, "so I decided to keep it to myself. Now I know you read my articles."

"Besides, after the money I spent it's probably going to be your Christmas present. I wanted it to be a surprise." I continued to dig myself deeper.

He continued to give me a hard time until I could no longer come up with any kind of reasonable excuse for being absent-minded, other than the fact that I am absent-minded.

We came to an agreement. If I could afford the postage, he was getting a book for Christmas and a backup copy for his birthday on the 28th.

"Thanks for thinking of me, Mom," he said. I'm sure there was a slight bit of sarcasm in his voice.

"I tell you what," he continued, "tell me how much it's going to cost to send them and I'll make that YOUR Christmas present.

I thought it sounded like a pretty good idea.

I think I should inform him that the books are at the binders as I write and with a little luck and if Travis, the book binder, doesn't fall over from exhaustion, the books should be ready by the end of the week.

For those of you that have already ordered, your books will be in the mail by Monday.

They'll be on the shelves at D&S Hardware, the McCook Gazette and Old Sarge's Bar at about the same time and on Tuesday, Dec. 18, I'll be having a book signing party at Old Sarge's from 3 -- 6 p.m.

So stop in Tuesday, purchase a book and have a drink on me.

If you would like to order books through the mail, simply send a check for $10.99 plus $2 shipping and handling ($5 for expedited service) to Gloria Masoner, Masoner Books and Design, PO Box 1012, McCook, NE 69001. If you would like them signed, please let me know how to address them.

I'd also like to take this time to thank Travis and Rose and Acme Touch Printing for all the hard work they've been putting in to get the book bound, Marilyn at D&S, and Shary and Janet at the Gazette for allowing me to display the book, Phil at Sarge's for the book signing party, and Denise Ringenberg for giving me the idea in the first place.

I appreciate everything you have all done for me.

Shane, just in case you're reading this, you should be getting your books by the time your birthday rolls around.