There have been many stand-up comics whose best material had to do with the differences between the genders. That's because there is so much material of this kind to work with.

We're simply on different wave lengths. I don't think that any interstellar theories like the popular Venus/Mars thing can completely explain the crossed wires that can occur between men and women here on Earth.

In fact, I would go so far as to say that if both males and females inhabited Venus and Mars, they would pretty much have the same problems.

Venusian Male: Where do you want to go to eat?

Venusian Female, primping her horns: I thought either Lobster Haven or Pastas 'R Us, you choose.

Venusian Male: I'm taking you out, you choose.

Venusian Female: You never make a decision. I want to go where you want to go.

Venusian Male getting into the SHoVeT (Space Hover Vehicle Transport): "Okay, Pastas 'R Us", he said, his five stomachs growling.

Venusian Female: Great! Pasta it is!"

After a few minutes of silence in the SHoVeT the female says: "Does Pastas 'R Us serve crab?"

So they SHoVeTed to Lobster Haven.

Why didn't she just tell him she wanted to go to Lobster Haven? Just to see if he was thinking the same thing she was? I think we've established here that that particular phenomenon only happens while in the dating stage.

"Oh migosh! We have so much in common! We even finish each other's sentences! We're like two parts of a whole! Sometimes we even wear the same clothes!"

Remember that time? What happened? It's as if we uttered the words "I do" and somehow became completely rewired.  We act differently.

A woman can go into a drug store, in broad daylight, and buy a can of Barbasol for her man, but if a man runs out of shaving cream, he'll grow a ZZ Top beard before he'll stoop to using his wife's moisturizing, raspberry-scented shaving cream or a pink razor in the privacy of his own bathroom. 

That is why women buy pink shaving cream and razors?

We think differently about most things, too. After being disillusioned by so many so-called diets that didn't work, I finally settled on one that made more sense. All the experts say that you merely have to take in less calories than you are spending. Well, I had no idea how many I was spending because my body did not come equipped with a calorie gauge. So I decided that simply eating half of what I wanted to eat would do the trick.

I told my husband of my plan in hopes for his support during this undoubtedly fleeting interim of diet hell.

He said, "So that means that if you want a candy bar, you're going to buy two but only eat one, right?"

"No, it means that I only eat half a candy bar. But thank you sooooo much for opening up that loophole for me."

"Then who gets the other half?"

"I could give it to you."

"Bad idea. I'm going to be as big as a house if I have to eat my candy bar plus half of yours."

I'm not sure if I just illustrated crossed wires or a loose screw, but either way the same conversation could have been heard on Venus, Mars, or any planet where there are males and females cohabitating.

-- You can reach Laura at lsnyder@lauraonlife.com Or visit her website www.lauraonlife.com for more columns and info about her new book.