My husband has decided that we need to go "off the grid." For those of you who are not familiar with this term because you actually have a life, this means that we are not going to participate in the electric power grid system. We are going be self-sustaining and "green."      

Although it will take him a while to switch us over to solar- or wind-generated power, that has not stopped him from messing with our communication lines.

My husband has put us on wireless Internet, wireless phones, and satellite TV. A world without wires … how nice. Except that now, because wireless anything is about as fitful as a teething baby, I have to wait until these non-wired instruments are "in the mood" in order to receive any communiqué from the world at large.

It used to be that when I wanted to know what the price of beans in China was -- I'm not sure why people need to know that, but just in case anyone asked -- I could just go to my computer and "Google" it. Now, by the time the Internet decides to make an unscheduled stop at my house, the price of beans has changed. Sometimes, I'll be in the middle of researching something (doing an online crossword puzzle) when the Internet just evaporates … like it never really happened. Poof, gone!

My wireless phone can't get a signal at my house unless I hang out my front door with one foot propped on the stair rail and turn in a northerly direction. If there's wind, all bets are off. If Caller ID says it's my mother, and it's raining out … I just let it ring.

Satellite TV is good unless there is rain, wind, or my youngest child has taken to swinging on the satellite dish again. My daughter thought it would make an excellent cereal bowl for a giant. If it worked just one iota less than it does now, I would probably consider letting the giant have it.

As it is, it's my only means of semi-regular communication with the rest of the world. My husband uses the TV for entertainment and to hear about other fabulous ideas from Les Stroud, Survivorman … like getting "off the grid." However, I use the TV to watch the weather channels to determine whether I'm going to be able to use the phone tomorrow or whether I have a chance of seeing any e-mails in my inbox.

With this tiny preview of living "off the grid," you can see why I am simply bursting in anticipation of solar- or wind-generated power. 

If it rains for forty days and forty nights, (which I heard has happened once before) not a single appliance in my house will work because we'd be using solar panels to power them. There's no solar-anything when it's raining. We'll have to chop up all of my furniture to make a fire to keep warm. Since all of my frozen food would have spoiled, we could use our refrigerator as our fireplace. Hmmm.  I guess if it rained for forty days and forty nights, spoiled food would be the least of our problems. We'd likely be trying to find a way to make our house float.

Truthfully, the inconveniences of living off the grid won't bother me all that much because they will be substantially offset by the amount of money we'd be saving in electric bills each month. But I do have my limits.

The first time the windmill gets stuck and I have to climb a hundred-foot tower to give it a push, we're going to join the ranks of the non-green people again.

-- You can reach Laura at lsnyder@lauraonlife.com Or visit her Web site www.lauraonlife.com for more columns and info about her new book.