I know a guy who several years ago got caught up in a relationship with a friends' girlfriend. He and the other guy weren't best friends but they liked each other and socialized a lot together. In fact, there was a whole cadre of people who went places together, had parties together and generally enjoyed each others' company. Everyone in the group was married except the friend of the guy I know. He was divorced. The guy I know was married but wasn't living with his wife.

 One night, the guy I know was eating at a local restaurant and ran into his friend and his new girlfriend, who was recently divorced. When he was introduced to her and their eyes met, he described it as "love at first sight," like I've written about in this column several times. The way she looked at him signaled the same kind of connection on her part and he left the restaurant that night shaken. Not only was this the girlfriend of a friend of his but he was still married too. He vowed to put her out of his mind and pretend like the encounter never happened.

 This ended up being impossible to do because they were all part of the "group" that socialized together often so they continued to be thrown together. Every time he saw her, those feelings came rushing back and her behavior and glances indicated she was having similar feelings too, although nothing overt had yet been said between the two of them. Finally, one night a few weeks after their initial meeting, while they were all at a local watering hole, he finally told her what he was feeling.

He wasn't surprised when she responded by saying she was having similar feelings towards him. He had seen that in her eyes, and heard it in her voice everytime they were together. She told him that night that although she had feelings for him as well, it was going to be difficult for them to see each other. He told her it was her call and that he would wait to hear from her. He also told her he would abide by whatever decision she made.

 She called him at work the next afternoon to tell him she wanted to see him and they began their relationship that very night. He told her that first night that she should tell her boyfriend and that he would tell his wife. He did. She didn't. His wife started divorce proceedings while he continued to see the woman he had fallen for, waiting patiently for her to work up the courage to tell her boyfriend so they could be together.

 The group had dinner at a local restaurant one evening and as everyone was leaving, his friend asked him to stay behind and have a drink with him and his girlfriend, still not knowing she was his girlfriend too.

During drinks, his friend went to the bathroom and, while he was gone, the guy I know told the girl this was the perfect time to tell her boyfriend that they had fallen in love. She said she just wasn't to the point yet where she could do that but he could tell him if he wanted to. He told her it wasn't his place to tell him; it was hers and that he would wait until she decided the time was right.

 There are no secrets in a small town and the rest of the group finally figured out what was going on, even though his friend hadn't. When the group came to this realization, the guy I know was expelled from the group. No one ever said anything directly to him because most people aren't courageous enough to do that. They just stopped inviting him to their parties and get-togethers and he knew why.

 Even though he was kicked out of the group, he continued to see her, still waiting for the day she would tell her boyfriend so they could be together. They talked one afternoon on the phone for almost two hours. He found out the next morning that she and his friend had gotten married an hour after their telephone conversation ended. He went to the bathroom and threw up.

 But things didn't end there. After a very brief honeymoon period, she initiated contact with him and they began seeing each other once more and continued to do so until she and her husband moved away.

 The title of this column is who betrayed whom. Did he betray his friend as well as all the other friends in the group by falling in love with her and being with her whenever he could? Did she betray her boyfriend and the others in the group by falling in love with him and seeing him whenever she could? Did the other friends betray him by expelling him from the group without knowing the whole story? And why didn't they expel her too?

 There are lots of ways to answer these questions and most ways depend on who you are, whether you know the people involved or not and, if you do, the depth and breadth of the relationship you have with the parties involved. One thing is for certain. We don't choose who we fall in love with. We don't choose the person, or the moment, or the situation. It comes at us like a whirlwind and it sweeps us away, whether we want to be swept away or not. Consequently, when two people fall in love with each other, no one's at fault and no one's to blame because it happens without our permission. Falling in love isn't premeditated, underhanded, or devious. It hits you square in the mouth and there isn't anything anyone can do to prevent it.

 Regardless of your judgment about any of the actors in this story, one thing is certain and I've said it in this column before. No one can steal anyone away from someone else unless that person wants to be stolen.