I never realized until Wednesday afternoon that your heart can soar with joy at the same time your stomach rolls with disappointment and trepidation.

I never realized that you could cheer for someone to win and hope they would lose in the same moment of time.

I never realized any of this until I dropped my son off in Hays, Kan., on his way to Fort Benning, Georgia via Kansas City.

All the way to Hays my emotions were in turmoil. I knew it was what he wanted, and I've always tried to encourage Jeremy to go after what he wanted. I always wanted it for him, as well -- if it was something that would bring joy to his life.

At the same time, I dreaded it with every fiber of my being.

I raised my children with the understanding that if they wanted a post-high school education their best bet would be to join the military.

My oldest took my advice and joined the Coast Guard in 2000. Our country was at peace. He was tucked away safely behind a desk. That's what I wanted for him. That's where he'll spend all 10 years of his military career.

Six years later things were different. Our country was embroiled in a controversial war. Young men and women who had joined the military for the excellent school benefits it offered found out that they would pay for those benefits. And yet my youngest son still insisted he wanted to attend trade school and after years of being told, he knew the only way to do that was to join the military.

His passion has always been vehicles -- buying them, trading them, tearing them apart and putting them back together. Not only would the military provide him with money to pursue an education in that trade, they would spend 12 weeks training him in small diesel repair -- Advanced Individual Training, it's called.

He joined the National Guard in Kansas, where he was living at the time.

In mid-May, he received a call from his unit commander. His unit was set to deploy overseas in April 2008.

His "Ship Date" was set for Memorial Day, 2007. We took him to Hays and two days later I got the call.

"Mom, can you meet me in Hays? They're sending me home."

I can't say I was disappointed. I knew he was.

He was ordered to lose weight. He only had one more chance. I offered as much support as I could muster, putting him on a low-carb diet and encouraging him to exercise, sometimes going with him.

He lost 15 pounds and two inches off his stomach. He was sure it would be enough -- secretly I was hoping it wouldn't..

I got the call at about 2 p.m., Wednesday.

"I'm at the airport," he told me. "My plane leaves at 4 o'clock."

I developed a knot in my throat so big I could barely swallow.

"That's great, babe. You made it," I told him, holding back the tears of joy and sorrow. "I have never been so proud of you."

I'm proud of both of my boys. Not just because they actually listened to me for a change, but because they made up their minds to do something important with their lives and followed through.

I just hope this lump in my throat disappears before Jeremy comes home in December.