Who loves ya' baby?
Mom and Dad had five children. I am number two and the second daughter at that. It goes without saying that I was a bit of a surprise. Actually, I was an accident, a tried and only sometimes true method of birth control gone horribly wrong. Actually, of the five of us, four were the result of failed birth control methods. Don't ask me why I know this, it was a detail Mom felt compelled to share. (I even know which methods failed resulting in which sibling's birth, but I digress.)
Debi, my elder sister, was also an accidental surprise. When Mom discovered she was pregnant for me, Debi was not yet a year old and still in diapers. I don't think it was love at first thought, though of course they did love me, once the surprise wore off and they got used to the whole idea. It was a bit of a setback, I imagine, however, when I was born and was all girl -- I was supposed to be David, my younger brother, who was also an accidental surprise, arriving a mere 16 months after I made my debut. At least he was the boy Dad had been longing for.
Dean, the only "planned" pregnancy followed Dave after a more respectable amount of time had passed, with the final surprise being Danett in 1962, giving Mom and Dad their entire tribe in nine short years. (I refer to Danett as the "funeral" baby.)
None of our children were the result of failed methods of birth control, although Patrick was a bit of surprise. From the first of July until the 20th of August, he and his sister are the same age. They were all loved from first thought -- all that was missing with Patrick were the long months of anticipation followed by bitter disappointment that filled the years between Ben and Lisa.
There are those who say that there is no such thing as "love at first sight," but since all I ever wanted to be was a wife and a mother, "love at first thought" was as easy as falling off a log. Although I was a young mother, I was an even younger wife, and had despaired whether or not my dream of motherhood would ever come true. When I checked back with the clinic in Wichita, Kan., that provided free pregnancy tests, and heard the wonderful news, my joy could not be contained.
It was only many years later that I realized that I had taken advantage of a free service offered by Planned Parenthood, which explains why my exuberant response was met with such bewilderment by the young woman who broke the news. My only hope at this late date is that some other client, witnessing my joyful tears, realized the preciousness of life, even at its earliest stage and turned her back on the other services offered there.
Mom's compulsion to share the details of failed birth control brought something of a burden to my childhood years that I was never meant to carry. I'm sure every child, in the midst of being sent to bed without supper or hearing "I don't care"every time permission is sought for one activity or another, momentarily doubts a parent's love.
After all, no one likes to be disciplined or dismissed. It wounds. With the benefit of years, I eventually came to realize that my parents, imperfect though they were, loved me with all the love their human hearts could hold.
We may have been an accidents, and an at-first not altogether pleasant surprise, but we were loved.
Pondering these things in the dark watches of the night, I was struck by the thought that before Mom even began to suspect another surprise was in the offing, long before she could bring her suspicion to Daddy, or anyone else, God already knew.
And he already loved me. And though I have brought all of the same trials and disappointments to him that I brought to my earthly parents, he has continued to love me. In his eyes, there are no accidents and no surprises. And so I live now with the full assurance that God -- who loved me first, will always love me best.
"I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty." 2 Corinthians 6:18 (NIV)
Things you won't see in heaven: Un-pleasant surprises