We are what we learn and we begin learning when we're still in the crib. We pattern our attitude and our behaviors after those people most important in our lives, usually our parents and close relatives. If they are good role models, we're at least pointed in the right direction. If they're not, then we already have a couple of strikes against us before we even begin. Boys tend to look up to their fathers and other male relatives; girls, their mothers and other female relatives.

 

I was fortunate to have strong, positive male role models when I was growing up as a boy. They all had solid values that included defending our country. My Uncle Bill, who played a bigger role in raising me than anyone else, was an infantryman in what was known at the time as the War to end all Wars; World War I. My father stormed the beaches of Normandy on June 6, 1944. My step-dad was a Boatswain's Mate on the USS Guadalcanal, a World War II aircraft carrier, that was part of a hunter-killer group of the United States Navy. On June 4, 1944, this group captured the German submarine U-505, marking the first time a U.S. Navy vessel had captured an enemy vessel at sea since the nineteenth century.

 

Uncle Bill regaled me with story after story of fighting in the Great War but my dad and step-dad were much more close-mouthed about their experiences. My step-dad told me the capture story only once. My dad refused to talk about the Normandy invasion at all, except to briefly say to me once that it was the most horrific experience imaginable and that he hoped young men would never have to go into harms-way like that ever again. My mom and dad divorced when I was very young and we only saw one another sporadically after that.

 

So my role-models through my early years were my uncle and step-dad. They did all they could do to keep me on the straight and narrow and to make sure I was being equipped with the knowledge and values I needed to help me make good decisions as I traveled through life. I haven't always made good decisions but that's my fault and not theirs. Regardless of the upbringing we have, we're ultimately responsible for the life we chart and the choices we make. Blaming others for our bad decisions seems to be a popular thing to do these days, but it's no more than a cop-out when we do. Our role models can take the car to the garage, have it checked from hood to trunk, fill it up with gas and put us behind the wheel but, ultimately, we're the ones who have to drive it. Some of us learn how to drive, some of us don't.

 

I've tried to be the kind of role-model to my boys the way my uncle and step-dad were for me. I'm sure I haven't always been successful but it's not for lack of desire or effort and when I haven't, it has been because of my own personal failings. My oldest son Brandon would have celebrated his birthday this past Tuesday had he not been taken from us five years ago in the prime of his life. His mother still weeps for him on specials days and she always will. For the 18 years I lived with him and the years after that I didn't, I was always conscious that he was watching me, listening to me and learning from me. I hope I served him well. I tried my best to.

 

I continue to try to serve my other two boys, Michael and Will, well too. They were with me longer than Brandon was because they came to live with me and attend McCook Community College after they graduated from high school. I"ve always tried to give them all the things they need and most of the things they want and I still do. We don't get to see each other nearly as much as we used to since they're eleven hours away in Arkansas, but we talk as often as we can and visit each other whenever its possible.

 

Once you have children, your life is changed forever. I tell my college students this in every class I teach. It is the single most important decision and event in a person's life because, regardless of how old you are or how old your children are, you will always be their parents and they will always be your babies.

How parents can disregard their children, neglect their children, abuse their children, or be bad role models for their children is the most puzzling and unanswerable question there is. Because once we have them, our lives never completely belong to only us anymore. It seems there is always one more lesson we need to teach them, one more piece of advice we need to give them or one more thing we need to show them.

Before my mother suffered the debilitating stroke that eventually claimed her life, we would always talk on the phone a couple of times a week and, at the end of our conversation, she would always without fail ask me if I needed any money. That's what parents do. Even though I was working full time and she was retired, she was worried that I didn't have enough money. Parents never really believe their children grow up and that they're capable of taking care of themselves. We don't believe it because we don't want to believe it. We don't want to give up the dad or mom roles we played for so long. We don't want to give up our value to them. We always want to believe that our children need us, regardless of where they are, who they have become, or what they have achieved.

 

I hope I was a good dad to Brandon and I hope I'm a good dad to Michael and Will. They're both grown men now but I still worry about them the same as when they were little. I want every single day of their lives to be filled with joy, happiness, hope, sunshine, optimism, and success. And when they have bad days; when they're down or sad, or sick, or hurting, I'm experience the same things they are. I tell them I love them every time I talk to them and I hope they hear those words not only with their ears but with their hearts as well.

 

We all leave a legacy behind whether we want to or not. And regardless of what anyone thinks, it's totally up to us as to whether that legacy will be good or bad.