What is a grandparent?

Yes, it's true that the Internet clutters your computer with a lot of unneeded and unsolicited information. But -- every once in a while -- an e-mail comes through which brings a smile ... a tear ... and, sometimes, even a bit of wisdom.

I thought about that last week when my wife, Barbara, shared the following comments from her daily e-mails. The collection is taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds:

What Is a Grandparent?

Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other people's.

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A grandfather is a man grandmother.

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Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the store and have lots of quarters for us.

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When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.

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They show us and talk to us about the color of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on cracks.

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They don't say, "Hurry up."

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Usually grandmothers are fat, but not too fat to tie shoes.

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They wear glasses and funny underwear.

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They can take their teeth and gums out.

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They have to answer questions like, Why isn't God married?," and "How come dogs chase cats?"

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When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.

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Everybody should try to have a gandmother, especially if you don't have television, because they are the only grown ups who like to spend time with us.

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They know we should have snack time before bedtime and they say prayers with us every time, and kiss us even when we've acted bad.

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It's funny when they bend over. You hear gas leaks and they blame the dog.

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This is from a six-year-old, who was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want her we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."

An Old Farmer's Advice

The following pieces of advice were spotted by Connie Jo Discoe, the Gazette's regional editor, in the 2007 edition of the Old Farmer's Almanac. The ten tips are called "An Elderly Indiana Farmer's Best Advice." Here are his suggestions:

1. Don't corner somethin' that you know is meaner'n you.

2. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is awhole lot easier than puttin' it back in.

3. Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.

4. Timin' has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

5. Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

6. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

7. Words that soak into your ears are whispered ... not yelled.

8. Always drink upstream from the herd.

9. The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with watches you from the mirror every morning.

10. Don't interfere with somethin' than ain't botherin' you none.

Sometimes we make things too complicated. Thanks to F.W.P. of West Caldwell, N.J., who shared the Indiana farmer's advice with the Old Farmers Almanac, and, in turn, Gazette readers. If you come up with good stuff from the Interenet or almanac, sent it to me and I'll share it with readers in future columns.