Lamenting the corporate takeover of stadium names

Thursday, April 29, 2004

Greetings to all.

I must be honest with all of you. I have been treading through a very tough time in my life, I mean who hasn't with the corporate takeover of stadium names.

A person can't go to a baseball game or even watch Sportscenter without being harassed by the "fluid commanders" -- Coors Field, Busch Stadium, Miller Park and Minute Maid Park.

To risk my complete demoralization within the stadium world, I searched through all stadiums within the U.S. and a few in Mexico and the United Kingdom to find some sports complexes that have stayed true to the sporting nation and not sold out to the corporate bad man.

To my complete surprise (as in Surprise Stadium home of the Kansas City Royals and Texas Rangers in spring training) I found a healthy number of purely dubbed stadiums.

A person doesn't have to travel far from Surprise, Ariz., to find a more confusing and likeable baseball complex in HoHoKam Park in Mesa, Ariz., where the Mesa Cubs see action.

But after a boring and drawn out Minor League ballgame I will be more than ready for a quick powernap at the Knapp Center in Des Moines, Iowa.

The Missouri Valley Conference member Drake Bulldogs basketball team will see to it that I rest up nicely.

There will be no rest allowed while you are blinded when viewing the Harvard Crimson hockey team in the Bright Hockey Center.

But despite all of the success I have encountered, I still haven't encountered any enchanted "Bowls" besides the hollowed grounds of the Rose Bowl in Pasadena, Calif.

To my luck I had to look no further than the "celebrated" Akron Zips football team to provide me with a Rubber Bowl.

However, not even the Rose Bowl can compete with the Cotton Boll of the University of Arkansas at Monticello Boll Weevils.

To find the The Epicenter (Minor League Rancho Cucamonga Quakes) of all stadiums, then you must travel over the pond to the soccer and rugby habitats of Great Britain.

If you are panting for some "football" action then look no further than The Black Cats of Sunderland, England.

These Black Cats play around in none other than the divine Stadium of Light.

But, take a more thorough gander through the channels of England and Scotland and the less morally correct, yet still corporately un-corrupt, monikers take over the limelight.

None stick out quite as greatly (hinting of a reference to mine) as Butts Stadium where many thousands of derrieres watch the Coventry RFC rugby squad.

Getting a little racy with their soccer matches, English Strewsbury FC spends its quality inside of Gay Meadow against their assumed archrival Scottish soccer club Arbroath, who hail from Gayfield Park.

If you are the type that gets too Tingley (Tingley Coliseum of New Mexico Scorpions hockey) with anger at the mention of such arenas, then I suggest you pay a visit to the Missouri River Otters hockey team in St. Charles, Mo., and spend the rest of your days in the always clean and innocent Family Arena.

After countless hours of research and preparation Tyler found his favorite baseball park in in Cientuegos, Cuba named after none other but Tyler's birthday: Cinco de Septiembre. If you have any questions or comments for Tyler you can reach him by email at

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