Opinion

The buck stops here and here

Friday, December 12, 2003

The phone rings and it's a solicitor claiming to represent a state patrol association or the sheriff's department alliance. My mind starts racing: Is the dog locked up? Are my license plates up-to-date? Did they figure out I lied about my height AND weight on my driver's license?

After reminding me of all the things these law enforcement organizations do to ensure my safety in the world, the solicitor finally asks for my "support." In other words, he wants me to send a check.

While I never give money to anyone who just happens to have my phone number, the thought quickly crosses my mind: What if I don't give? Am I more likely to get pulled over? Is my dog going to be picked up for sure this time? Are they going to install scales in the driver's license offices?

While requests for donations come throughout the year, it seems like the phone rings more and the mailbox fills up quicker with organizations asking for money around the holidays. Don't these people know you're already broke from buying those must-have Christmas gifts such as the game Goober (I'm not making this up, where you pick the game's nose just right or his brain, as well as his eyes, will fly out).

While there are legitimate, worthwhile organizations out there that deserve our support, one fundraiser gets over and another one starts up -- or at least that's the way it seems.

The guilt builds, whether you give or not: Do you contribute to so many fund-raisers and make too many contributions that your finances are out of whack and the guilt starts to build up? Or do you tell a little fib like "I gave at the office" or "I bought from the neighbor's kid" and again, the guilt starts to build up?

My solution: Buy just enough fund-raising food to sit around and eat while you wallow in your guilt.

The problem with fund-raising is that most requests don't come from anonymous companies, making it hard to say no.

Most of the money my family donates is given to "askers" outside the immediate family such as nieces and nephews, friends, their children, anyone who belongs to an organization, anyone who walks upright.

There is really no need to go shopping anymore; not when you "buy" everyone from wreaths to cookie dough, from candles to pizza as a fundraiser. Your house will be a mismatch of decorations and your diet will be shot, but at least you're making a contribution.

The remaining dollars available for donation go toward my children's projects.

I feel bad for anyone who comes into contact with us, because it seems like we're always asking them to donate to this cause or sponsor this event. It's the same people, time after time.

I don't want to become those people who cause others to draw their curtains or hide out in the basement every time we approach their door -- with or without a donation form in hand.

At some point, the debate begins: Do you just give the person the money rather than accept the token gift or product he will force upon you?

"Just take the money and keep the singing fish/bathtub-size buckets of cookie dough/magazine I'll never read."

We've developed a bad habit (as have most parents likely) of buying up stuff we don't need, purchasing more than we need and contributing more than we should to fill out the children's contribution forms. That would explain why I have 12 cans of peanuts and 32 raffle tickets sitting on my counter.

While some parents may fall into this practice so their child will have the highest amount, my family falls into that other category: We didn't get it sold/gather contributions.

As for the donations for law enforcement agencies, I always thank the solicitor for calling (he's just doing his job after all) and then hang up on him (that's my job). I'll take my chances -- and stay under the speed limit.

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