Everyone has a right to be a buffoon, even Charles Barkley

Friday, March 8, 2002
John J. Mesh

You could never call Charles Barkley dull.

He is the "Girth that Roared."

He is an National Basketball Association Hall of Famer with a non-stop motormouth.

Barkley played several season for the Philadelphia 76ers, Phoenix Suns and Houston Rockets.

While still playing, he threw stupid drunks out of plate glass windows and engaged in other bizarre behavior.

Barkley hung up his sneakers long ago to become a commentator for Turner Sports.

On the way to the booth, he has found the time to play really bad golf and devour entire bakeries and buffets.

He told anyone who would listen that he wanted to attempt a comeback to play for the Washington Wizards alongside Michael Jordan, but fortunately this never came to fruition.

It has been rumored for at least a decade that Barkley has plans to run for Governor in his home state of Alabama. He played three years of collegiate basketball at Auburn University and hails from Leeds.

In the state that brought us George Wallace and other divisive racial landmarks, Barkley would be a breath of fresh air in the state's politics.

In a series of televised weigh-ins, Barkley has dropped his weight from 339 pounds to 298 -- much to his credit.

Barkley is never at a loss for words. He's much too big to ask to shut up.

Barkley is outspoken -- often times to the point of being a buffoon. He has an opinion on everything -- just ask him.

The latest edition of Sports Illustrated, which hit the newsstands Wednesday, features Charles Barkley on the cover. He is shirtless and covered in chains.

He is the cover story with a caption that reads: "BARKLEY UNCHAINED."

The article, written by Jack McCallum, allows Barkley to sound off on everything, including golfer Tiger Woods.

Barkley claims that the fine folks that run Augusta National Golf Club in Georgia are racist. Well, no one has ever accused them of that.

Barkley claims that Augusta added 300 yards to the course to keep Tiger from winning another Masters.

"Jack Nicklaus won the Masters six (BLEEP) times and they didn't add to the course," Barkley screamed.

Well, Sir Chuckles, if they really wanted to "Tigerproof" the Masters, they should shorten the course 300 yards instead of lengthen. A longer course helps the longer hitters.

I've always felt that if they really wanted to "Tigerproof "Augusta, they should build moats (instead of sandtraps) and bottomless pits, mine the greens and holes and re-enact the battle scenes from "Braveheart" right into the middle of the fairways (complete with a charge of heavy horses).

I do agree with Barkley that Tiger should speak out more, but Tiger makes a gazillion dollars so I don't think it will ever happen.

About 98 percent of Sports Illustrated's readers will disagree with Barkley, but that's the beauty of it all.

If the First Amendment protects the likes of Larry Flynt, it protects the rights of Charles Barkley.

Charles Barkley has the First Amendment right to be a buffoon. I'll defend to my death anyone's right to make a buffoon of themselves.

Don't get me wrong. I like Charles Barkley. He makes me laugh. He should get his own talk show.

Or he should run for President of the United States.

* Arkansas basketball situtation -- Last week's column centered around the Nolan Richardson situation at the University of Arkansas.

One day after the column was published, Richardson was no longer the Arkansas men's basketball coach.

Depending on who's story you believe, Richardson quit, resigned, was asked to resign or the school bought out his six-year, $6 million contract for $3 million.

Well, they are all true.

There were other interesting twists and turns, such as:

* Richardson instigated the whole thing.

* The NCAA released a report that 36 major universities, including Arkansas and Cincinnati, did not graduate a single African-American basketball player during the years 1990-94.

The report was highlighted on a special episode of ESPN's "Outside the Lines" last week.

* Richardson is now suing the school to get his job back. Why in the world would he want it back?

Things are getting curiouser and curiouser in Arkansas (with apolgies to Lewis Carroll) -- and Bill Clinton isn't anywhere within 2,000 miles of the place.

Stay tuned. This story isn't anywhere close to being finished.

John J. Mesh is the sports editor of the McCook (Neb.) Daily Gazette. He figures to be safe since it's highly unlikely Charles Barkley will be coming to McCook any time soon. In case of a Barkley sighting -- and you can't miss him -- e-mail John at sports@mccookgazette.com.

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