Gloria's Chicken Fat Ranch

Thursday, October 24, 2002

Gloria Masoner, City Editor

Gloria Masoner

A lot of people are saying President George W. Bush's decision to change the rules on the introduction of low-cost generic drugs is nothing but an attempt to gain support for his own party.

My response: "So what if it is?"

I know of several seniors who pay more than half of their monthly income on prescription drugs. I don't know that any of them will change their party affiliation simply because they will finally be able to afford to drive to the voting booth.

In defense of his decision, President Bush said that generic drugs lowered the cost of the average prescription from $72 to $17. With a reduction like that, seniors may be able to not only start eating a proper diet, but to begin enjoying their retirement years and in so doing, regain their health enough that they no longer need the medicine.

But that might not be good for business.

Drug companies are complaining that since there are fewer new drugs coming to the market, they may have problems making ends meet.

Now their poor over-worked executives will have to cut back to six conferences in exotic places each month instead of the normal 12. It's about time these poor, over-paid, upper-level executives and scientists started sharing some of the economic crunch.

It seems that these companies have been stalling the development of generic drugs past the 17 years they are already being given for patent protection. These multi-million dollar conglomerates are being allowed to stick it to the American public simply by changing the number of times their drugs should be taken each day or refashioning the packaging of the product -- or some other nonsense which costs them close to nothing and cost Americans an arm and a leg -- or a heart, or a lung. Each time the company makes one of these simple changes, their patent is extended by 30 months.

Wouldn't it be nice if they used some of that ingenuity to find -- I don't know -- the cure for cancer?

With the amount of money American taxpayers are giving to these pharmaceutical companies in grants for drug testing, I fail to understand their quandary. At the rate we are paying them, they should be coming out with a new drug every couple of hours.

During a recent visit to my orthopedic doctor, I found out about one new drug (at least I heard about a new drug -- when I heard the description I couldn't force myself to ask too many questions).

I had just received injections in both my knees and my left ankle when the doctor informed me if the present course of treatment doesn't work we could move on to a newer treatment.

He explained to me that most insurance companies insisted on pursuing our current treatment program first since the new treatment is so expensive.

What is this amazing, new, expensive treatment for creaking, aching joints?

... Chicken fat.

I don't buy a lot of chicken when I'm at the grocery store. The fact is I don't like cooking it because I can never seem to make it stop bleeding. But I do know that on a good sale day you can get a nice fryer for 69-cents a pound and if you stick to thighs and legs you can get it for as low as 33-cents a pound.

While I didn't ask the doctor, I heard someone mention that for the price of one chicken fat injection, you can buy a new electronic gadget.

How can it be that a drug made from the by-products of an animal that sells for 69-cents a pound (or 33 cents if you stick to thighs and legs) can cost as much as some televisions sets? Shouldn't the by-products be selling for less than the part of the animal most people consider eating.

Instead of paying those exorbitant prices, I may just have to learn to cook chicken, freezing the little chunks of fat as I prepare the evening's meal. Or just injecting it right there on the spot. (I have the injector they put in with the turkey fryers which are about the size of the needles the doctor uses.)

Better yet, I may start a new business.

I have plenty of room in my back yard and I don't really think the start- up capital will be that expensive. All I really need is a vacuum and a couple of hundred chickens.

I figure, in order to keep the animal rights people happy, our company can go into the poultry liposuction business -- we won't butcher them, we'll just attach a hose to the vacuum and let it do its work. Talk about a renewable resource.