What have you been smoking?

Thursday, January 30, 2003
Gloria Masoner

I'm giving up, it's time to admit we've been beaten and hang our heads in defeat.

But I still think non-smokers should rally behind their enemies. Think about it -- if it weren't for us smokers, you'd be paying an even higher tax bill each year.

It's not much to ask, light our cigarettes when you see we're out of matches, open the break room to the smoker, ban the whole "SMOKE-FREE WORK PLACE" concept, make the smoking section the most comfortable area of the restaurant -- open all the doors that have been slammed in our faces over the past couple of decades.

I strongly suggest you lower the high standards you've set for your personal environment and give us back our freedom. Think of the alternative.

The state of Nebraska made around $46 million on tobacco taxes in 2000 when the state's tax rate was 34 cents a pack. In 2001, that tax was raised to 64 cents a pack. If my figures are correct -- and if a whole bunch of people didn't stop smoking -- that increase brought the total of taxes collected by the state to around $87 million.

If Gov. Mike Johanns gets his way, tobacco users will start paying an even higher tax for cigarettes -- an additional 20 cents to be exact. If he gets his way -- and again, if a whole lot of smokers don't stop smoking --smokers would be contributing around $114 million to the state budget.

Face it -- you guys don't want us to quit smoking.

One of the rationales of the first increase was to decrease the use of tobacco. I said it then and I'll say it now -- How stupid do people think we are? We're just smoking tobacco, not illegal hallucinogenics.

The state is already experiencing a deficit of more than $600 million. Let's just all quit, surely finding an additional $87 million (or if the new tax proposal passes, $114 million) won't be a problem for lawmakers.

Boy that'll show 'em.

I and a friend of mine were discussing frivolous lawsuits the other day and decided we would file one of our own.

As a smoker, have you noticed since you've been ordered out of the workplace, you're smoking a lot more. Maybe not more cigarettes, but certainly more of a cigarette?

It used to be -- way back when, when the ashtray was sitting on our desk -- that we could light a cigarette, take a couple of puffs and let it burn itself out.

Now, because of the "SMOKE-FREE WORKPLACE" movement, we have an overwhelming need to suck down the whole thing before returning to our work station.

That can't be healthy. I'm thinking we can get millions. Face it, you'd better be nice, because without us you guys are in a whole bunch of trouble.

Now I know my opinion will anger a lot of people out there. But let me point out I observe all the rules laid out by society ... I don't smoke where it says No Smoking (I'm afraid of being arrested,) I put out my cigarette when someone asks (I'm afraid of being assaulted,) I pay my taxes (someone has to take care of poor Nebraskans) and I discourage young people from smoking -- (I'm concerned for the health of our youth.) Besides I'd like to see where the Nebraska Legislature is going to come up with that lost money.

Disclaimer: The amount of tobacco taxes mentioned in this article is only an estimate. The math is not guaranteed. There's a reason this writer chose writing as a career and didn't choose a career in accounting.

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