There's no excuse for this

Some people call it "making excuses," others call it "stretching the truth," while still others call it like it is -- an outright lie.

Whatever the case, the discussion began going around the newsroom the other day about the best way to convince someone you're going to do something that you have absolutely no intention of doing.

One of my co-workers tried instructing me in the fine art of "making excuses."

"Gloria," she said, "you have to make it so truthful no one will doubt you," was the first rule.

"Or," she said, "you have to make it so outrageous, that the first thing that will come to people's mind is 'That's so unbelievable she can't possibly be making it up.'"

This came shortly after I had announced I was going home to take a nap. My totally honest statement was met with criticism, so I decided to work on my excuse-making technique.

"OK fine," I told my co-workers, "my cocker spaniel just called and it seems my catfish has eaten my golden retriever." They still weren't convinced.

I must not have what it takes to be a politician or a storyteller.

There are those, however, that seem to have either been born with the art or have simply worked a lifetime to figure it out. And then there are those who only think they have the talent.

Take for example, a recent statement made by a politician who shall remain nameless.

In effect, his promise was that there would be no additional taxes imposed on people who are already finding it difficult to make ends meet, instead, he said, he will cut the budget to make up the deficit.

While the more gullible set among us may have heard that statement and jumped on the "no taxes" bandwagon, others recognized it for what it was -- a feeble attempt to stretch the truth in order to pacify a financially strapped constituency.

This is an example of rule number two -- You have to make it so outrageous, that the first thing that will come to people's mind is "That's so unbelievable he can't possibly be making it up."

For those of you who aren't keeping up -- he was.

Another politician, who again shall remain nameless, recently told his constituents he was going to help the economy by giving tax breaks to people who really don't need the tax breaks in the first place -- a fine example of rule number one. After all, how can we possibly doubt that a politician is out to protect his own interest and the interest of his friends and family? And how can we doubt that's going to help the national economy?

Unfortunately, a lot of politicians throughout the years have found out too late that they were not born with the talent.

Who can forget the immortal words of Richard Nixon when he said "People need to know if their president is a crook and I am not a crook."

Or the raspy southern drawl of President Bill Clinton when he told a congressional panel, "I did not have sex with that woman."

These guys really needed to take some lessons.

As for me I'm sticking with the old stand-by -- Sorry boss, the catfish really did eat my computer.

In response to recent decisions made by elected officials I would like to propose a theme song for the current state administration. I'm thinking Lorrie Morgan's "Touché Touché:"

"There's nothing I can say.

I am a wishy-washy (state administration)!

But it's a wishy-washy world.

I want out then I want in it.

I'm all confused but I admit it...

"Ce La Vie La Vie.

That's what you get when you get me!

I have the right to change my mind

at least a couple hundred times.

I'm all confused but I admit it...

Go away, no wait a minute!"

-- The previous article is sole the opinion of Gloria Masoner. The staff and management of the McCook Daily Gazette are not responsible for its contents. (They made me say that.) Masoner is the city editor at the McCook Daily Gazette. She fully recognizes the fact that she doesn't have the talent needed to become a politician and has absolutely no aspirations for a political career -- and that's the God's honest truth.