Opinion

The packages fear comes in

Thursday, October 25, 2001
Gloria Masoner

When Franklin D. Roosevelt said there's nothing to fear but fear itself, he hit the nail right on the head. Of course he could have used the hammer to kill the spider that attacked me the other day.

Up until that moment I felt fearless.

I was standing on the porch outside of our front door taking pictures of a really huge spider. Okay, it wasn't huge, it wasn't even the size of a half dollar. However, when you put the camera on zoom, it did fill up the screen.

Big ugly spider eating lunch

In my infinite wisdom, I decided I needed to show a comparable object so people could see just how huge this really big spider was.

I found a pencil, which immediately started quivering in my hand as I approached the ugly little critter, and put it up next to the spider. The pencil brushed up against her web and she attacked. I dropped the pencil, the camera and myself. My heart didn't stop pounding for about 15 minutes. My backside ached for a couple of hours.

Isn't it funny what kind of packages fear comes in? After watching the movie Aracnophobia several years ago, I spent about three weeks having nightmares.

My curiosity got the best of me and I decided to check out just how many phobias there are.

I found my answer -- where else but www.phobialist.com. There are more than 500 different kinds of phobias listed on that Website.

Some of them I think I can use to my advantage.

One of my favorites has to be Mageirocophobia -- the fear of cooking. The perfect reason for finally shutting down my kitchen.

Of course a slight case of Pocrescophobia would come in handy as well. Just imagine what a fear of gaining weight could do for a diet program.

Then there are the more amusing lists of phobias. (Only if you don't experience the symptoms.)

One of my favorites has to be Arachibutyrophobia, the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth. I can think of a lot worse things to be afraid of. After all, I have to go to work everyday. Thank God I don't suffer from Ponophobia.

Of course if I didn't work my husband would hope to see me suffer from Chrometophobia, a fear of money. Let's be honest, he's already wishing for that one.

The most disabling phobia for me, however would be (I'm not making this up) Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia -- a fear of long words.

My question is what kind of sadistic person thought this one up?

Can you imagine, seeing a 25-letter word (I can't give you an example because I don't know any 25-letter words) and feeling your pulse start to increase, sweat starts to bead on your brow and your breathing becomes labored. You feel like your head and your heart are going to explode.

"This is enough," you tell yourself.

You make that phone call --you know the one to the professional therapist.

On your first visit, you tell the doctor what started the panic attack and he says,"Well, it appears you are suffering from Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia."

Now that's just plain mean.

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