Opinion

Missed it

Thursday, September 5, 2002

OK, OK, so I missed the goldarn Second Coming or Going. I predicted 3 a.m. July 15, and the reason I missed is because the Devil messed up my calculations, which have now been recalculated by my Intelligence Sources in Screwball Okla., based on Jerusalem rainfall (1,870 feet) times the width of the Ark (120 cubits) divided by the number of goats eaten by Jesus (17, which is a prime number).

This all calculates to 2 a.m. Oct. 2, 2000 (+-3 percent error). Inquiring (if dim) minds might ask "how could it come when it's already went?" and "if ya believe in life after death, how do ya know ya ain't already dead?"

Friends, these are profound questions and, as one hayseed recently chuckled, science doesn't have the answers.

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