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Friday, Aug. 22, 2014

Being Waldo in the Yellow Sea

Posted Saturday, February 16, 2008, at 8:59 PM

You just wait.
"Can I touch your nose?"

Yes, this is just one of the exciting questions I've received since moving to this crazy land of communism.

Who the heck asks that question, anyway?

This question was asked just moments before my nasal phallus was assaulted by an attractive hip-hop looking Asian woman. I could only stammer in confusion as she did so. What was I going to say? No? The fact that some men probably dream to have their appendages rubbed by hot Asian women would mean my complaints are null and void because while the sensation is not normal by our standards, it's definitely enjoyable. This makes all the difference.

This takes us to the next question. "Why did she want to touch your nose?"

You know what? Who knows. I often hope that by rubbing my nose I will become instantly lucky, or that it will stem it from popping out like Pinocchio's schnoz. But I think it comes down to the fact that cultures view different things as attractive.

In America, everyone strips buck naked and lays inside a booth which emits UV lights so that they can look exotic. Women and men alike spend hundreds of dollars to crispify themselves like waffle fries and spread brown ooze all over their bodies. We assume that everyone does these strange procedures and it's true, but the real fault is assuming that everyone likes the same color we do. Everyone's doing the same thing, they're just doing different colors. People want to make themselves look different. If everyone was purple, we'd aim for green.

When you flip the ball and go to a culture where everyone is brown and yellow, you find that they actually *like* being white. This comes to a surprise to me who has often been ridiculed for my albino-like complexion. They spend 1000's of dollars on creams to make their skin *whiter*&. Females walk around with umbrellas during summer. And do you know WHY? It's not to keep the rain out, it's to keep the sun at bay from making them tan. They complain about tans like it's a viral infection!

& - Special Note, If you're Irish and find it impossible to tan. Come to Asia. You will be worshiped.

This color phenomenon often makes me wonder if China has an obsession with WHITE. It's not just the obsession of skin, but of every aspect of my daily life. Every wall is white. People don't paint their houses like in trading spaces, they just leave it white. When it's dirty? Paint it again. More white! The floors are always a pearl-colored white tile which means that someone has to walk around with a mop 24/7 to clean it so that it shines like your aunty's dentures. While I admit that it looks nice when it's clean, it's dirty 80% of the time. But this doesn't seem to be a problem.

More updates coming.

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Because your nose is different from the Asian nose. If you have been in China long, I am surprised you call it the land of Communism, as far as business goes, the people are very Capitalistic, no matter what name their ruling party uses.

-- Posted by feisnik on Wed, Mar 25, 2009, at 1:14 PM

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Nate James
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