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Thursday, Oct. 2, 2014

Blame

Posted Thursday, March 1, 2012, at 11:08 AM

(Photo)
From Brian's Mailbag...

Linda (name witheld), 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Later, her husband noticed her sitting in her car in the driveway with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. He became concerned and walked over to the car.

He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she had been shot in the back of the head and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.

The husband called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head.

When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered.

Linda is a blonde, a Democrat, and an Obama supporter, but that could all be a coincidence.

The defective biscuit canister was analyzed and the expiration date was from 2008,so it was determined to be Bush's fault.


Comments
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Did everyone hear about the newest abortion clinic, there's an eighteen month waiting list.

-- Posted by Keda46 on Mon, Mar 5, 2012, at 12:37 AM

Both satires are great. Thanks for the articles Geezer and Brian.

-- Posted by Benevolus on Sun, Mar 4, 2012, at 5:40 PM

doodle

Here is another source of the article, as if it really matters - satire is satire.

http://www.theatlanticwire.com/national/...

-- Posted by Geezer on Sun, Mar 4, 2012, at 3:10 PM

The "dailykos"? lolol

-- Posted by doodle bug on Sun, Mar 4, 2012, at 11:46 AM

Gotta love all that satire - here is another one that represents the ultimate in satire.

This just in: Louisiana Republican Rep. John C. Fleming, M.D. is tossing his hat in the ring for Dumbest Member of Congress.

Dino Grandoni at The Atlantic reports that "pro-life" Rep. Fleming M.D. posted a story from The Onion on his Facebook page, offering it as proof that Planned Parenthood offers "abortion by the wholesale."

The satirical story from May 2011 "reported":

Planned Parenthood announced Tuesday the grand opening of its long-planned $8 billion Abortionplex, a sprawling abortion facility that will allow the organization to terminate unborn lives with an efficiency never before thought possible. [...]

The 900,000-square-foot facility has more than 2,000 rooms dedicated to the abortion procedure. The abundance of surgical space, Richards said, will ensure that women visiting the facility can be quickly fitted into stirrups without pausing to second-guess their decision or consider alternatives such as adoption. Hundreds of on-site counselors are also available to meet with clients free of charge and go over the many ways that carrying a child to term will burden them and very likely ruin their lives.

The remaining space is dedicated to amenities such as coffee shops, bars, dozens of restaurants and retail outlets, a three-story nightclub, and a 10-screen multiplex theater--features intended not only to help clients relax, but to foster a sense of community and make abortion more of a social event.

It really takes a special kind of stupid to believe that (a) Planned Parenthood has $8 billion to spend on anything; (b) it would use the word "Abortionplex" to describe its health clinics where abortion only comprises 3 percent of its services (and some clinics don't offer abortion at all); and (c) it would use its money to build, among other things, a movie theater, a nightclub and retail outlets. Oh yeah, and (d) that The Onion is an actual news source.

Apparently, Rep. Fleming M.D. possesses just that kind of special stupid.

What the story really demonstrates is just how much Republicans like Fleming hate Planned Parenthood. They hate it so much that they're willing to believe anything, anything at all, to make the case that the nation's largest provider of women's health care should be put out of business. In fact, a Daily Kos-Public Policy Polling survey released today found that a majority of conservatives even oppose women receiving cancer screening at Planned Parenthood. Because the "pro-life" position that is a requirement for conservatives and Republicans is that all life is sacred--except for the lives of women who go to Planned Parenthood for their medical care. Those lives aren't so sacred after all.

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/02/06...

-- Posted by Geezer on Sun, Mar 4, 2012, at 8:06 AM

She also has a potential lawsuit against Pillsbury and the grocery store...she could also be a candidate for being on Letterman and the food network.

Great story!

-- Posted by Mickel on Sat, Mar 3, 2012, at 8:58 AM


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