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Thursday, Oct. 23, 2014

Friday Funnies

Posted Friday, January 29, 2010, at 10:08 AM

So I'm married to a blonde, and she told me it will be OK and PC to post this joke...

God Loves Blondes

A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's desperate so she decides to ask God for help.

She begins to pray.. "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery."

Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins.

She again prays... "God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."

Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.

Once again, she prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car.. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help, and I've always been a good servant to You.

PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself....

"Sweetheart, work with Me on this...... Buy a ticket."

_

For Denver Bronco Fans...

The Pope dies and goes to heaven... God meets him and picks him up in a limo and says...

"You have done well my son. You have served me with honor and faith, so here's your new house in Heaven". It was a huge mansion with a big lawn, a fountain, and was absolutely striking in appearance.

The Pope moves in, and has a golf date the next week with God. God picks him up in the limo, and on the way to the links, they pass a house with Denver Broncos sculptures lining a 2 mile driveway passing manicured lawns, a HUGE HUGE HUGE mansion painted orange and blue, Broncos Logos inlaid in the driveway, big orange and blue Hummer in the driveway, and John Elway walking out of the garage with some golf clubs...

"Um, God," says the Pope, "I'm not trying to be ungreatful, but I was the Pope, so why does John Elway get a bigger house than me? He was just a football player."

God smiles at the Pope, and says....

"John is playing golf with us today... I'm loaning him some of my other clubs. That's my house."

_

And to wrap up this Friday, here is a poem...

I was shocked, confused, bewildered
As I entered Heaven's door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
Nor the lights or its decor.

But it was the folks in Heaven
Who made me sputter and gasp--
The thieves, the liars, the sinners,
The alcoholics and the trash.

There stood the kid from seventh grade
Who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
Who never said anything nice.

Herb, who I always thought
Was rotting away in hell,
Was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
Looking incredibly well.

I nudged Jesus, 'What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How'd all these sinners get up here?
God must've made a mistake.

'And why is everyone so quiet,
So somber - give me a clue.'
'Hush, child,' He said, 'they're all in shock.
No one thought they'd be seeing you.'

JUDGE NOT!!

Remember...Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car.

Every saint has a PAST...
Every sinner has a FUTURE!



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