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Posted Friday, October 31, 2008, at 10:28 AM

Ever feel like you're on the bottom?
Happy Halloween Everyone!

When I was a kid visiting my grandparents in Ewing, Nebraska at Halloween, my friend Leon and I would go trick or treating around the town of 500, and the towns population was always generous with their goodies for us little guys. As we got older, I heard stories of kids going outhouse tipping, and wondered why that idea had some sort of mean appeal to kids. Now I've also heard and seen pictures of wagons placed on top of barns, school mascot statues being moved and placed in odd locations so Halloween pranks were a big deal that involved a lot of work for the perpetrators.

City kids seem pretty mean spirited by comparison. Spray paint, eggs, rotten tomatoes, and bags of nasty stuff on fire at some peoples doors are the stuff of modern day big city pranks. It's not just the kids doing them either. I'm sure we'll either hear of, or read about tainted candy with needles, razor blades or who knows what else given to kids just trying to have fun.

Many communities in metropolitan areas have gone to "safe" Halloween festivities where the city provides the goodies so parents don't have to worry. Hospitals offer free X-Rays of kids candy to check for foreign objects, and there are almost always stories about some idiot driving down the streets with their headlights turned off hitting kids somewhere.

It's such a shame to me that a fun time can turn tragic by purposeful actions of a few. Tipping over an old outhouse sounds pretty tame compared to some of the stuff that goes on today, and I'm pretty confident that around southwestern Nebraska I won't be reading about such horrors.

On a lighter note, a recent trip through the big "discount" place on the west side of McCook found a candy isle with more different kinds of stuff than I had any idea were even made. A US Census Bureau report stated that Americans ate 24 1/2 pounds of candy per capita in 2007. Yikes! Me and Margie haven't eaten a total of 24.5 pounds of candy since we got married, let alone the 49 pounds we were "allotted" for just one year. So those of you eating our share, we want it back (in it's original form). We don't expect any trick or treaters this Halloween being 4 miles out of town, but in case they show up, we might need it otherwise they might tip over the outhouse.

And finally... Cambridge Trojans 41, North Platte Irish 7. Great job guys!

A man is walking home alone late one foggy Halloween night, when behind him he hears:




Walking faster, he look back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.




Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.






He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping.




on his heels, as the terrified man runs.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, he locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.

Bumping and clapping toward him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...


(hopefully you're ready for this!!!)

The coffin stops.

Be safe out there tonight!

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Brian Hoag
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